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a little hopeless romantic
11 months ago · 0
58
why do I stupidly have crushes on people who never reciprocate it back? It makes me sad to accept that maybe I am just a dump who believes my life would have a romantic happily ever after. I have been single for 23 years of my life. The majority of people around me have been in a relationship or been asked out. Please don't say I have to go out and interact with people. Duh i interacted with lots of people still....
coming to the topic, i have been crushing on person for nearly 8 months.We have been friends for more than a year. we were classmates for 4 years .It was never a love at first sight. cos I never noticed or considered him boyfriend material based on his appearance at the time we met. We became friends after we confidently got together as a group. I got to know him little by little. At first, it was just me making fun of him and considered him as a kiddo as he was younger than me.Then he does this thing,he notices all the little things about me. it was kind of like having butterflies in my stomach.He does listen to me when I talk. It was then I kind of started realising that I have crush on him.May be I was okay in showing my vulnerable side to him and being in same friend group he was always around me and we used do lot of activities together .I know it was all my overthinking. It was when he said he had a crush on someone during our trip i was kind of excited.During the trip itself i realised i was never the person he liked . His kind of girl is totally different from what i was. i did hurt cause it was first time i was having a crush on someone who i got to know better.He never sat beside me on the bus trip despite having a seat near me and never didn't help me when i was drunk . it was kind of bad on my part to help me when there was others who were much drunk than me.May be should have known by then I was just a friend.he had a good attention to details so he kind of notices everyone's little things . There was some saying that people stare a lot at person he or she like right ...he used to do that a lot ..but now i realised that maybe it eas just he spacing out.but still i hoped that he would have some feeling towards me .But then recently because of my overthinking skills I started to realise the hard truth. He never wants to walk beside me. Yesterday my heart sinked when he walked in front when he noticed me walking alone still continued to walk. He also said he like someone in my friend group before the friend gp was formed and they are kind of best friends I guess. i just don't want to involve in that. the was one time he walked close to me under the umbrella maybe that is one thing I am going to cherish .I think I will get over this person as I have started to accept the reality . I guess i want someone who values me and respects me the same way i do. I guess i want someone who would like protect me even though i am an independent person . I want to fall in love in with person who is there for me in all situation. I know i need to develop self love. but isn't self love for some one who atleastt experienced love once at least . i don't know...sometimes i feel like that . It is hard to swallow the fact that things ever happen the way we want or we expect . Thans to him i got to what kind of person i want. Haa good that i could vent this here. byeeee
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