hey

Hello,

I don't even know what I want to say to you.

I guess the first thing I want to say is thank you. Thank you for everything. I am sad that we arent going to be together. I have to keep telling myself that it isnt me. I know its not, it's just becoming a little too hard to believe. Imagine getting in the same situation and getting similar outcomes. It's driving me insane. I know and I feel it in my bones that we arent meant to be together. I can already tell by the way that you can barely tell me you love. I can also tell when you turn away from my kisses and I can tell when you don't speak to me for hours because you are withdrawing into yourself. I wish I knew how to help you. I can't seem to do the simplest thing and just be your friend.

I think that Im becoming manic. I only say that because I can't feel anything again. I can't feel my love for you, I can't feel sad that this is ending, I can't even feel happy that I got paid. I'm just tired. I have been doing this tango long before you and I'm just so tired of not getting the one thing that I want. I feel like all I've done my whole life is serve everyone else and make them happy. I haven't gotten the one thing that I want most of all in this world and it's starting to drive me insane. I know my time will come but I'm becoming even more impatient than when I was a teenager.

All I crave is that patient love, that kind love, the one that knocks you up.