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excuse my grammar , its not my native language
im a doctor in my late 20s , married to an older very successful surgeon , i made the mistake of ignoring all the red flags for 3 years and married him about 6 month ago , all hell broke loose when we were alone under one roof , and all those red flags i ignored came back flashing bright red orange .
let me start at the beginning
i was in a very serious relationship for 4 years before i met my husband that was filled with respect but never felt loved enough by my ex so i broke it off , instantly when i met my now husband he was everything my ex wasnt , from the good to the bad , and all that love and attention that i craved from my ex i got it from my husband ,,,, see my husband is an A+ on paper , meaning he is a very handsome and successful surgeon , and i honestly thought he was way out of my league ,, i was this nerdy girl and he's this playboy tall dark and handsome green eyed doctor ,, but he was very adamant with his chase and i loved it ,,
but this handsome doctor is a full blown hurricane going from 0 to 180 in a second , see the good with him was heavenly but the bad was an absolute hell , he is an alcohol abuser with a very short temper that yells and screams as the default method to deal with his problems . i feel that i was too naïve to recognize his destructive behavior to the extent it was , because i dont drink alcohol so i didnt know how many glasses were too many , i was way too young to even have the mentality to understand his neurotics and very unequipped to handle his troubled complicated personality .
i felt before we got married that i didnt see him as often so his issues seemed not that big , but once we got married his two personalities became more extreme , his good side was getting clingy and crying and telling me how sorry and how much he loved me and his bad side was a drunk peeing all over the bathroom floor and me having to clean it up , its him calling me all kinds of names , he would call every unknown numbers on my phone that were guys and start to question them and accusing me of being unfaithful or a liar etc .. its him being a gaslighter narcissist and me being too young trying to figure out what happened and how can i fix this , its me thinking im the one to blame cuz sometimes i should just bite my tongue when he's being abusive cuz i according to him am just adding fuel to the fire , and that i used to be a better girl that would sit tight and stay quiet and eventually he would feel bad and shut up .
im scared of him , that i get very overwhelmed when i hear a loud noise , im very exhausted all the time and i cant focus on my job , im always stressed and im afraid to get away from him cuz i know he's not gonna let me go without some kind of a punishment .
what people see on the outside is this picture of a perfect life , two doctors this big beautiful house , these fancy sports cars and lavish lifestyle but they dont know that its screams and tears inside these walls , and im too embarrassed to tell anyone that im writing this thread anonymously on this site .
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