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My husband was addicted to p*rn for years. It's been less than a year since he stopped. I know some relationships have boundaries that allow it, but we agreed that ours did not.
Time after time, I would open his phone (with his permission) and end up seeing it.
As I said, it's been almost a year, but I am traumatized, to say the least. I saw p*rn ruin my parent's marriage and many relationships, but I stayed with him.
Any time we have sex, the images, and words I saw on his phone intrude on my mind. Usually, we have to stop so I can go throw up. Just the mental imagery makes me shake and cry out of insecurity, betrayal, and anger.
He would refuse sex with me just to watch other women. He would lie and hide it, and promise me it was "just a slip". The cycle would repeat almost daily.
It's been so long, but the nausea, rage, and horror never end in my thoughts. I love him more than anything, but it hurts, and every time I make a mistake or make him angry/annoyed, I can't help but assume he'll go right back to p*rn.
For anyone in the same/a similar situation, does it ever stop? Will I ever feel okay again?
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Ladies, would you date/marry a p0rn addict if he was your only option?
Why or why not? I'm curious because there was a heated discussion elsewhere about it....
Addiction to anything is hard on the addict, and on those who love the addict. But I can see how it must add another layer of hurt, a sense of betrayal, to a wife, when her husband is addicted to porn. I can't add anything about whether it will get better, but I think any type of offense from a loved one eventually needs forgiveness, but with some type of consequence. Forgiving the person for falling, to the grip of lust in this case. As for the consequence; ask him to commit spending quality time with you as his spouse, as in real quality time, date night, taking a class together, couples therapy. Have him put in some time to help heal the hurt.. as a "consequence" and as part of you forgiving his fall. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
ReplyI'm stuck there too. I think I can't continue that relationship, actually we broke up. I feel disgusted with myself because it made me feel like a flesh toy he uses to picture those disgusting videos.
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