Moving

I am so anxious because I sent a job application to our capital city and it seems I am the only applicant. If I pass the test and interview I will have to move away from home.

And this is the point. I never lived away from home, I was away only a few times for several days. I do not know how high will be my income.

I have had a lot of arguments with my toxic mother. I love her but she is toxic as fuck. And since she is retired she is home all the time and she still comments on everything. Everything I do is not good enough and "she can do it better". She comments on my clothes and she does not want me to wear a dress or skirt. She makes me insecure about my look and abilities. I have no friends here so I go out only for gardening or walking my doggo. I do not go out in the evenings, I do not go anywhere...

I was thinking about moving away to "try" but now after today's argument, I felt like I will move ALL my stuff away and slam the door. We had an argument because I could not find tweezers. I leave them in the same place in the tv-room and now there were none. I needed one specific tweezer because my dog had a tick. And she got angrier and angrier when she saw me searching and she was repeating I have to use hers (I did not want to). I did at the end. What happened? I squeezed the tick.

I found some plastic tweezer in my craft toolbox at the end and finally removed the tick...but oh god why is my mother like that? After that she started to slap my hands....it was not painful but it was so stupid and she obviously does not know how to control her tantrums and she does not even want to...

Is it a symptom of some mental issue or illness? She was not like that. It started after my father died (they were divorced)