My Unsent Letter

Dear Em,

There is something weighing heavily on my heart, and although I fear that time has slipped away, I feel compelled to express these words in this unsent letter. Our breakup, over two years ago, remains one of the most challenging experiences I have faced. You were my first true love, and even now, I hold a deep, unconditional love for you, though it has transformed from what it once was during our four-year journey together.

I can never forget that night, it was late October 2020, the night you walked away from me. The rain poured down, drenching me as you turned your back for the last time. The image of that moment is etched in my mind, and the emotions that overwhelmed me left me feeling weak and lost. I aimlessly walked along the coastline, struggling to process the magnitude of everything I had just lost. It felt as though I was detached from reality, experiencing an out-of-body sensation that was difficult to comprehend.

I remember calling my mother, collapsing to the ground, tears streaming down my face. She sensed my pain and immediately arranged for my friends to pick me up. As I arrived at my mother's house, I embraced her tightly, sobbing into her arms. It was a vulnerable moment, one I hadn't shared with her since childhood. From that point on, I cried so much that I eventually became emotionally numb, unable to process the depths of my feelings—a state that I am still trying to recover from, even now.

Despite the immense pain I endured, I want you to know that I am grateful for the timing of our breakup. For the longest time, I blamed you for the damage it caused, fostering resentment and regret for everything we had shared. I hit rock bottom, sinking so low that I contemplated ending my own life just to escape the pain. I was left deeply wounded, and my already fragile mental health suffered an overwhelming blow. I feared I would never find healing.

Yet, somehow, I did find my way. I realised I needed to change, to rediscover myself, find purpose and happiness beyond our relationship. In that process, I discovered strength and resilience I never knew I possessed. Today, I can confidently say that I am proud of the person I have become. I have achieved my dream job in the hospital, working in the operating theatres where I find fulfilment. I have met incredible people who form an amazing support network around me. Most importantly, I have learned to love myself and find peace.

While I take credit for my own growth, I recognise that you played a crucial role in shaping who I am today. Thank you for ending our relationship, which forced me to confront the truth about my well-being. It was through that painful experience that I discovered the need for change and embarked on a journey of self-discovery. The path has been challenging, but it has led me to a place of contentment and personal growth.

So, thank you. Thank you for breaking up with me and making me realise that I wasn't okay. Thank you for caring, even if our paths have diverged. I hope life has brought you happiness and fulfilment, as it has for me. May we both continue to evolve and find our own unique paths in this journey.

With heartfelt gratitude,

Kier.