Dear Christian,

Dear Christian,

This is the letter I told you about a few days ago. I erased everything I wrote to you, but now I wish I had it back. I wanted to tell you something. I am in fact in love with you. I had told you last month, May 5th. You also had told me you loved me. There was a text you sent me a while ago, but it still rings in my head. You had said, if I hadn't written that text message to you, we wouldn't have been where we are now. As I think about it more, I can't imagine if I hadn't said anything. I see your message again, it stays in my head. You tell me you love me everyday. I'm so thankful I met a guy like you. My friends don't know about you. I have told you about them though. I'll tell you how I'm not really close with them. I don't tell them the things I tell you. Have you noticed, everyday your messages, your love makes me fall in love even more.

Last night, I had told you about this dream I had. A dream where you had cheated on me. Technically you wouldn't of, since we're not dating. It would still hurt since the amount of times you tell me you love me, and tell me you'd never leave me. Anyway, I told you the dream, I told you not to ask who you had cheated on me with. You kept insisting for me to say, I told you to take a guess. She was your last choice, which surprised me a bit. I thought you'd know. When I told you it was Carly, you laughed as if it was something very funny. You then had asked me why I had thought that. I had told you the truth, I am jealous of her. You had asked me why. I was afraid, since you guys already talk, I will leave this summer. You already play your video games with her, of course I don't mind as much. I was jealous since you've never actually claimed me to be yours, though people know. I had made fun of her about being dry, which I shouldn't have but I had done it. You told me not to say those things, though I had. I felt bad. My stupidness had taken over. You told me I was being silly to ever believe that you'd ever cheat on me. You told me you loved me and said you'd never leave. I begged you not to.

You and her had stopped texting. I've felt so wrong. Was it me? Had I caused this? I was about to text you that you can have her. I hadn't done it though. Can I explain that I don't want you to ever leave me? I didn't want to give you that option, afraid you might leave me. If it were to happen, I would fall apart. They always repeat "boys and girls can't be 'just' friends". I had never believed that. You and I were just friends, and now we're lovers. We talk about the future together, the days. You talk about coming to the US, but I tell you that you should. I would like it if you would, but now as I grow older, I want to come to you. I want to marry you in your home, the place you call home. Though you say you'd rather come here, but time's I'm dying to be there with you, you say your place is not the best. We plan this life together. I thank god for bringing me to you, such an amazing guy.

The future, the day we think about the future, we planned it out already. You and I made sure we both had a mutal agreement to the fact we will not have kinda unless we travel first. Though we both are not stable yet. You want to come to me. So we both have been saving up. You're almost done with school, it all depends whether you pass your exams, I know you will so don't lose hope my love. Such little confidence though you are so amazing in many things, I had wished to be like you, the wonderful guy you are. When can you and I marry? I hope it's soon, because I hate waiting this long, as you know I'm very impatient with myself, though you tell me the process will be long. I hope for it to be short, why must we wait for so long? Can't I be with you already. Let me be with you.

My life with you, I cannot explain. The love I have for you is indescribable. Do you think about us when you're alone at night? Do you wonder about the future the way I do? Are you thinking about me while I'm not around? These questions I must ask you, though I have before, wondered has it changed? Oh my love, how can I say all the things we've been through, though you treat me as if I'm queen. People like you are hard to find. So lucky I have found a guy like you. Do I tell you about my daydreams? I must've not since I have so many to keep up with. I've had one where you and I were laying in your hammock, I lay on top of you, and you held me in your arms, hugged me as if it was gonna last forever. I looked at you, though you were blurry, I looked at your eyes, and you had leaned up to kiss my lips. I was in shock though I was so glad. I kissed you back. You took me by the hips and somehow put yourself on top of me. You rested your head on my chest. You told me my heart had started to race, I felt it. We fall asleep, just us and the world.

Christian, I can go on forever telling you how much you mean to me. I'll keep myself calm. I will send this to you later, though I'm afraid you might not understand why I am doing this. If I were to be real right now, I don't know. Today, I haven't texted you much. As you know I have strict parents so here was better to plan out. I can't describe how much you mean to me, honestly I think it would be impossible to explain. When I was younger I believed the people I had loved was falling in love. I hadn't known what love was until I had met you. For them it was probably just a like. With you, how can I explain all of my love for you? All the days I thought they were it, but now as I grow older, I know what this is. This is not like or just some love.

Christian, I am so in love with you.