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I’m such a bad girlfriend, I put unnecessary stress on my bf when I knew he didn’t need it, and I am so sure that’s what made him lose interest and break up with me after 7 months of being together, and of course I thought the best thing to do was to fucking lash out at him and accuse him of using me for sex and completely disregarding everything he ever did for me and I feel horrible because it wasn’t like me at all and we both knew that but the things I said to him were so hurtful and mean and I feel so bad because he was literally the man of my dreams and is everything I’ve ever wanted, I want him back so bad but he said he doesn’t know if he’ll ever give me another chance which is understandable and I keep hoping he will but deep down inside I know he won’t and I feel even worse knowing that he would have been willing to give me another chance if I just didn’t say those things to him, he was my everything and I felt so lucky to have him but now all that trust and respect is gone and I’m scared I’m trying so hard to gain it back just for him to say no to giving me another chance but I love and miss him so much and if we ever got back together I would do so much better I love him so much and we were perfect for each other it’s so hard to believe that someone that was a dream come true is suddenly gone from my life after everything we did together and he’s been so sweet to me since then. He’s still talking to me and says that he understands that people make mistakes, but I know that the lack of respect I have from him because of what I did makes me prone to him taking his emotions out on me. And I don’t think he really talks to anyone else so it’s hard to tell when it’s personal or not. Lately he’s been acting so strange because just a couple days ago we were listening to music and calling each other after we broke up because he was willing to try and be friends, but suddenly out of nowhere he just starts acting really weird and everything he does and says feels so passive aggressive to me and I don’t know what’s wrong and he definitely won’t tell me because of everything that happened. In the end I feel like I ruined my only chance to have a happy life with him because my words destroyed any possibility of him giving me another shot and I want to have hope because he said “maybe” but I’m so scared that I ruined everything and I think deep down I know I did and that I will never be in a happy relationship with him again and it all feels like a fever dream because him losing interest in me is literally my worst fear and just the fact that it happened is so traumatizing because he was everything I could ever dream of and now he’s not mine anymore and I just don’t know what to do it’s all my fault and I can’t fix my mistakes I wish I could take it all back I just want him to give me another shot I would do so much better this time but I don’t know what will happen and it’s so scary to think about because just the thought of him with another girl makes me so upset because that could be me and it might never be me again I’ve become depressed and I can barely eat or sleep I haven’t been drinking water I’m dehydrated and he takes up my entire mind and I don’t know what to do it doesn’t help that I’m halfway across the world on vacation for the next two months and Im really worried that my time away from him could case any feelings that he does have for me to fade away because I’m not even here and I won’t be for a while I just want him back I don’t think I’ll ever get over him he’s everything I’ve ever wanted he’s exactly my type I didn’t even think people like him existed all I want more than anything is for him to hold me and tell me that everything will be alright but now I can’t even say his name anymore because he said he’s uncomfortable with it I have to use his last name and it all just hurts so bad I just want him back and I don’t know what to do I want love but if it’s not him then I don’t want it but what if he’s gone forever I don’t know what to do I just want to be able to kiss him and hold him again and tell him how pretty he is and how much I love him but now I can’t even say his first name and it’s all my fault I did this to myself I can’t fix it I made a horrible decision and now I have to face the consequences of my actions of hurting him and being just a huge bitch I’m so scared that he will never love me again because I love him so much and. Want more than anything just to have him back it’s hard to believe that just a month ago we were happy and we would to everything together but now he doesn’t even want to hear me say his name, I can’t stop thinking about all the things I said to him after all he did for me and what could have been if I just shut my big mouth. I try so hard to be respectful whenever I text him but I know that I’m so prone to him saying mean things to me or me accidentally saying something wrong to the point where I get anxiety every time he texts me because I’m scared of messing up or saying something wrong, but just a month ago we could talk for hours like there was no tomorrow and I lose sleep over thinking about what I’m gonna say to him next time I meet him and how things could have been different, how we could have been happy if I just didn’t say anything but now I can’t even call him by his first name. what have I done
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The best thing you can do right now is to give him some space. He's obviously hurt and offended since he won't even let you use his name, which I find a little strange but then again I don't know the full situation. Everybody is human, everybody is gonna make mistakes at one point or another. You have to apologize to him, forgive yourself, and move on. Tell him that you'll always be there when/if he needs you, but don't wait for him for too long okay? You've apologized, and it sounds like you were sincere, and you're doing your best to show him the utmost respect. If he says no, don't keep asking because that will make you come off as needy and insecure. You are NOT needy or insecure, you've got this!! Once he sees that you are able to handle this situation maturely, he'll come running back if he's truly the one for you. But if he isn't, then please don't stress for too long. You don't deserve that pain. Best of luck friend❤️
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