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So recently i broke up with my boyfriend after few things that had happened in our lives. I am now reflecting all the things that had happened, and this is what I think that happened.
I was in love with him for a long time and really wanted him to come for me and i wanted him to love me back and everything. I never gave him any sign of me loving him but expected him to come for me.
In the middle he and a girl started talking and i got jealous and i thought they were in love but in truth they were just friends more like study mates. I got so angry with them both that time and later i stopped thinking about it and continued to see him like usual.
At a point i noticed that he was in love with me and suddenly i started pushing him away as much as i can like I dont want him anymore. Still i haven't have much sign and i asked him directly for few times whether he loved me or not. He told yes and i told him i have no such idea.
Then suddenly i started wanting him again and i told him how I felt and we got committed. For a few weeks it was perfect but then again i started feeling uneasy and felt like i made a mistake.
I had a friend who started confusing me more by telling i should concentrate on studies.
Outside i started convincing my friend that we were truly in love against my boyfriend's advice of not to talk with him about our relationship. But inside myself, i again started feeling like i don't want him anymore and i had the urge to go away from him from time to time. And the situations too got soo crazy like,
I had severe insecurities and i had hard time trusting my boyfriend because of his friends. Coz they weren't that happy with our relationship because his friends recently broke up with their girlfriends and they expected him to do the same to go on with the same vibe. They even ghosted him. And my boyfriend was affected by it. And
My boyfriend's faculties were watching us very keenly and were indirectly pointing us everytime, which made him so uneasy. He couldn't talk to his friends properly and his staffs were advising him constantly to stop it (love) and concentrate on career. He was trying to be strong but i too made things tough for him by talking about our relationship with that friend of mine.
Ofcourse i talk with my friend with my boyfriend knowing about it and i didn't hide it.
My parents don't know about my relationship and only know i talk with my friend ( they don't know what i talk about). They have warned me twice not to talk with him as they thought i am in love with my friend which is not true Even my other friends doubt he loves me. These things made things tough for my boyfriend and we broke up.
So ultimately i was always in dilemma. I wanted him and when he came either i or the situation pushed him away from me. And again now i want him by my side. I told him i won't disturb him anymore but sometimes i still want to talk to him and be there for him.
I am confused now about what i felt was truly love? And Was it correct to explain the things to my friend like that? And what i did to my boyfriend.. is it what cheating is called as? and was it wrong to feel the dilemma i mentioned earlier? I really need to know.
Someone please tell me.
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When a person loves someone they want to be with them all of the time and to never push them away, so it isn't love that you felt for him. You wanted him when he wasn't with you and didn't want him when he was, so you are confused and sound as though you are very young. It is okay to explain anything to your friend. No, you weren't cheating. You sound as though you are too young and don't yet have the maturity to be in a relationship. You treat it like a game. You should not pull and push a person like this. He has feelings and shouldn't be treated like this. Would you like this to happen to you? Leave him alone and get a boyfriend when you are older and more mature.
ReplyThanks for the words. Yeah that's true that I am young and not ready to be in a relationship. I realised it too late but thankfully i had broke up with him at that time. Thanks a lot again for your words. Those are what i really wanted to know. I am working to leave him alone. I will be able to do it in sometime.
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