If I don't get out of this house NOW I'm gonna kill myself

I broken with my boyfriend for a week, He was basically my social life during this year and a half. I met him after my father died and I was already depressed. My friends were starting to be very busy with university so I always used to take a train and go to his town to see him and him friends, who still go to highschool. That place was everything for me, and I used to love seeing my boyfriend playing drum with his band, know his friends, new people who like rock music like me... but that relationship was toxic.

Why it was always me who used to take a train to go there? Because He thought my city sucks, just like my friends and part of my family. Plus, I was full of imperfections for him and He made me notice them everytime while He told me He used to masturbate to girls He knows. One in particular with a "bad girl face" I didn't have, because my sweet face, me being sweet used to take away something in bed... I wasn't sexy like her, I guess? I know what You're thinking, I should have left him before but... I just wanted to be happy for once. I ignored the red flags and hope for him to change just like I hoped for my father to survive while He was screaming every night for the pain. I just wanted to live again... but it was too much. My ex boyfriend was so toxic to others He also lost his band members and everything... He also discovered He his epilepyic crisis so He got a bad time... He was even worse to me. He stopped caring to hurt me even more and He didn't even try to tell me He would have changed anymore.

I broke up with him, but my friends are still busy and also too quiet. I SWEAR I'M GOING OUT TONIGHT ALONE, just to know someone... someone like me. At least a new friend who can make me escape from myself. I didn't eat for a week, I feel like shit and I'm even more depressed now. I would like to call my ex so much but I can't. I don't know what to do... my mother always works so my home is empty. She's worried like everyone in family. Is it a good idea to go out alone at night? I will be careful, I just nerd fresh air... or today I really don't know what to do... I want to kill myself, I can't go on anymore. But I can't do this to my family... I wanna stay better. Please... someone tell me what to do, I can't do this anymore.