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It's time for a change. The sun's golden rays pierced through the thick morning fog, gently beaming on my face first thing in the morning.
I don't want to be in a haze anymore. I don't want to smoke any more haze.
Every day for the past month I've been waking up before sunrise and I have had a spliff before the sun completely emerged from the horizon. Becoming dazed before breakfast has become the norm. This morning is different.
My brain feels agile and clear. I don't want to fog up my thoughts. My muscles want to feel awake and energised. I don't want to feel droopy. My being wants to create, explore, and thrive.
I'm tired of wasting time and energy. Medicating myself every day with a herb that makes me feel as if time doesn't move. A whole month has gone by and I have barely lived. I've painted every day with the same mundane colours. The same actions at the same time, over and over and over again. This is not my regime. My body, mind and soul feel it with every fibre of my being. It's time for a change.
God has graced me with so many wonderful talents, and I have been wasting them with this constant cloud around me. There's so much I can do. So much I can create. So many people I can meet. Endless places I can go explore. Experiences which can warm my smokey soul.
Choosing this isolated cloud for the past month was needed for me as I faced some undescribable stress the two months prior. This is an excuse to justify the self-inflicted numbness. God knows I have been under more pressure than I have ever faced, more sadness and stress than ever before: It's better to feel those emotions than mute them with smoke.
Life is for the living. Life goes by in a flash. There's no time to waste. There's no point in wasting time trying to cover up your emotions, you will have to face them sooner or later. Sooner is better than later. Weed is like a leash - it holds you back every time you want to do something, keeping you in the same familiar environment you are used to.
I've had enough of this limiting mentality. I am my own master. I do not require substances to be my highest self, she is within me always.
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