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My marriage has failed, and I've said I want to restrict contact to co-parenting only for three months.
I have hope we can reconcile again, but I'm not living in hope. She has decided she can't be happy in a relationship with me, we have had issues for a long time, and we haven't been able to resolve them.
What I would say if we were talking now.
I have tried to control you, I have pressured you not to express anger. I have valued my own fear of anger over your right to express how you feel.
I was wrong to do that.
This does not mean that all your anger is justified.
When was the last time you said sorry for getting angry? Or for something you did while you were angry? When have you gotten angry, then tried to reconnect or repair?
What is the difference between expressing how you feel, and being insulting and abusive? Am I responsible for what you say because I made you angry? You say you aren't responsible for my emotions, and I can't blame you for my anxiety. Does the same apply to your anger?
What would me setting a healthy boundary look like? How would you tell the difference between this and an attempt to control you and your emotions?
Lastly, I would like to say I have worked on my self, I have grown and I do manage my responses better. A long way from perfect, but a lot better than I was. often when I do cross the line, I see it later and apologize.
Are you capable of listening to what I say, and look at what I do, and see just that? Often I think you see and respond to what you think I am trying to do - not what I am doing. I understand that you are expressing your reality, but what would help you see the reality of what I am doing, rather than your fear and defensiveness.
I still love you, but I can't fix this. They are not all my issues to fix, and I have tried to be the person I thought you wanted and it has broken me.
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