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I'm dead — mentally, spiritually, and almost non-figuratively.
I spent years roleplaying and fooling around and being a child, and now that it's time to be an adult, I have no life skills to even get a job, and I mean any job, to have even just a friend, to pull myself from useless crying and complaining. And now I've ruined most of my relationships with my lying, bitter sarcasm, and fake moods, becoming a lump of existing nothingness.
A few days ago I wondered if I was irredeemable, and I'm getting to a point where I think this is true. No matter what I try, I just end up failing. Can't even catch up to my peers socially because of my jumbled mind. And now I'm having very evil thoughts about myself and other people, a sadistic twist to this approaching death that seems so near.
I am almost convinced I won't be here for another year, whether by my own hands or "natural" causes (but I know it would be a result of punishment or karma more than a coincidence). And don't ask me about the afterlife — though I don't want to think about it, I know where I'll end up.
Please, if you've ever been in this dead place before, please tell me how you woke up again.
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