I can't outthink myself.

I wake and stare at the ceiling desperately want to fall back into the numb of sleep

A knock forces me from my trance and back into the cold of my room

I swing my feet over to the floor moving from laying down into a hunched sit

Another knock and I stand knees shaking

My head dully throbs begging for me to take a painkiller but dully I open the door ignoring it

I do everything I am told and go to write and hopefully feel a little less numb

I open a site and find I may finially find a therapist that could help me with wanting to continue on

I fill out the forms and when I reach the end there is a message needing payment from a parent

I want to escape her but nothing in this world will let me

I want her to drive off and leave me with my thoughts

I want to throw things and scream

Slam doors and run away down the street with no one following

I can't do anything even remotely close because thats what she does and I need to be better

More level headed

More mature

I need to be better than her

I don't want people to look at me and tell me how much I'm like my mother

I want them to look and say that I'm doing great things on my own