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Since Lockdown 2020, life has never felt the same.
- I'm in a perpetual state of philosophising about existence.
- I can't complete a full piece of work without getting distracted. At one point, I couldn't even finish anything, so to complete work at all is an improvement.
- I feel... slightly weighed down by past regrets. Upon returning to school I participated in a lot of regrettable behaviours, almost all of which I have repented for and amended, I think. Nonetheless, you can't change the past; the memories still provoke me.
- Time seems to shuttle forwards faster than ever. I can't believe it's already halfway through 2023. I would look at what day it is in the calendar and it would already almost be the next week. I suppose I feel like I don't accomplish enough in a week to progress with the time, like time is leaving me behind.
Meanwhile, my friends and peers seem to be thriving and cherishing every moment of their youth. I understand that this is all in my head, and perhaps I am overdosing on comparison. Thankfully, this is actually a huge improvement from last year, when I was imprisoned in overthinking - discussing my thoughts with my family helped me out of that rut immensely. Ironically, whenever my brain is addled like this, I start planning my next hyper-fixation, such as how to "make my life the most worthwhile it can possibly be." You can see where I keep going wrong; I trip myself up into overthinking repeatedly, convinced it will yield a fully corrective solution forever. And why not? You must reflect to know where you went wrong, and think to resolve. Yet anecdotal experience vetoes this. Then I get frustrated with myself for overthinking again.
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Since Lockdown 2020, she thinks life has never felt the same.
- She claims she is in a perpetual state of "philosophising about existence."
- She believes she can't complete a full piece of work without getting distracted. At one point, she couldn't even finish anything, so to complete work at all is an improvement.
- She thinks she feels... slightly weighed down by past regrets. Upon returning to school she said she participated in a lot of regrettable behaviours, almost all of which she has repented for and amended, she thinks. Nonetheless, she realises she can't change the past and thus the memories still provoke her.
- She feels like time seems to shuttle forwards faster than ever. She can't believe it's already halfway through 2023. She would look at what day it is in the calendar and it would already almost be the next week. She thinks she doesn't accomplish enough in a week to progress with the time - like time is leaving her behind.
Meanwhile, she believes her friends and peers seem to be thriving and cherishing every moment of their youth. She understands that this is all in her head, and she is mindful that she might be intoxicating herself with the bad habit of comparison. Thankfully, this is actually a huge improvement from last year, when she was imprisoned in overthinking.
Ironically, whenever her brain is overwhelmed like this, she starts planning her next hyper-fixation, such as how to "make my life the most worthwhile it can possibly be", exacerbating her overthinking. She's convinced it will yield a fully corrective solution forever, yet her anecdotal experience vetoes this. Then she gets frustrated at herself for overthinking again.
Here is the cycle:
1. She doesn't complete a full task without starting another activity inadvertently.
2. As a result, she doesn't progress on her goals / work much.
3. She feels like time is going too fast, because it is moving faster than her progress.
4. She plans to improve, by devising a "forever plan" - a broad solution that will resolve everything wrong with her life. This is overthinking.
5. She gets frustrated, because her friends don't seem to be doing this. They seem to be normal, and all she wants is to return to her original mental state - not overthinking.
6. She faults her past actions and regrets them. There is a sense of hopelessness and defeat pervading her mind, as she focuses on "before lockdown" and compares her past good habits with her current bad ones.
solution: Concentrate on completing a full task.
This is just me trying to find out the root cause of this dissatisfaction. Do you think I've missed anything?
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No, I don't think so. It is very good that you write down these things and so now you can work on completing a full task. Best of luck.
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