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Hi, whoever’s reading this - sorry, I’m really conflicted so it’s going to be long.
I’m a student and recently I travelled solo to rural Africa to volunteer at a sanctuary. I absolutely loved it. I was away long enough to start building a life for myself there - the sanctuary became a home, and the people there felt like family. I loved the work, the setting, the lifestyle, the people. I was so happy there.
Now my best friend is excitedly telling me that she plans to go there, since I’ve talked so much about how wonderful it is. And I know it’s stupid, but that makes me feel so upset and jealous because that sanctuary is my little private slice of paradise. I don’t want to share it, I want to hug it close to my heart and preserve what was so special to me. I’m struggling to even put this into words, why I feel this way - I hope you understand. I don’t want to “cheapen” the wonderful time I had there, by someone else claiming the experience to be equally “theirs”.
Don’t get me wrong, my friend would love it and she’d be so happy to have this like I did. It’s not at all that she would say or do anything wrong. I just don’t want to share the precious memories and experience of the sanctuary. To the point where I’m actively trying to dissuade her from going, suggesting other cool places she could go to instead… and hating myself every step of the way. I know it’s not fair for me to feel this way and I certainly can’t hold it against her, and I know I completely brought it upon myself by raving so joyfully about my experiences… but I feel so extremely jealous and unhappy about her possibly going. It hurts so much. I’m so sorry.
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I understand how you feel. Tell her plainly that you continue to work there without having her or anyone else that you know with you. Tell her that it is your private place to be so that you can have time to yourself even though you want to remain friends with her, and you hope she will respect your wishes.
Replyperioddddd.
ReplyOP here. I appreciate what you're saying. Unfortunately, since it was just a temporary volunteer-trip and I'm back home again now, there's no reason why she shouldn't go. She'd love it too, I know that. So it's selfish of me to wish she wouldn't go. But, selfish or not, that is honestly how I feel...
ReplyI do understand your feelings. But since you talked about it so much why wouldn't you want her to experience what you did? Its not like you own the place or can stop her. Look at it this way. If someone has any opportunity to get some joy in their life, as you did, don't try to hinder them. Would you want someone to stop you from experiencing what you did? Be happy for them and support them. We only live once.
ReplyOP here. This is exactly the problem - I know I have no right to feel how I do, and I know I have no sole claim to this place, it's not "mine". It's such a stupid way to feel because of course I want her to do amazing stuff. But despite my best intentions, I can't deny that I am jealous because it's MY "happy place". I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do.
ReplyIt’s okay to feel jealous. It’s something special to you, but I think it would help if you talked to her about it. So that you both understood your feelings on her possibly moving to Africa.
Reply