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Thoughts at Night
10 months ago · 2
154
Its a series of never ending pain, u just are stuck in this loop of doubting urself..it breaks ur heart. U feel u r worthless. No one really understands ur pain..no one notice it, even if some ppl do..they do come and ask, but u just don't feel like actually telling them everything. U see urself being left alone for the rest of ur life..no one to come for, no one to actually care, just no one. Complete silence, but then, slowly, u start repelling ppl who actually wanna get to know u, coz u think its all fake..who knows, maybe it is, maybe it isn't..but u r just not the same anymore..slowly and slowly, u watch ppl, making frnds, being happy..although u r academically better than them, you will realise how academics wasn't everything..how making relationships was so beautiful..to actually hv someone by ur side was soo beautiful...you will be stuck with yourself..you will start repelling everyone..eventually..it will just be you..going to the bed, and wondering..why cant u be one of them..why cant someone be on ur side too..y cant u live a healthy life..haha..You'll accept urself like this. U won't want to come out of it..U would feel some thing's wrong when u would come out of this...cuz u are drowned in this loop of self doubts and negation such that it all will seem incorrect when someone would actually try to help u out..you are stuck forever now..no one actually has the patience to deal w u..and it isn't their fault too..they got their own lives to deal with..but just inside ur own self..u are broken..broken forever..and u r so used to that pain..u wanna feel it again..cuz its a habit now..so, u just wanna feel it again and again..bcoz u think u deserve it. ..now u let ppl treat u bad..bcoz u know u deserve it...haha how I wish I wasn't like this..how I wish I had a healthy mindset..a healthy way of looking at the relationships around me..how I wish I was normal..w a normal grp of frnds..genuine one's..how I wish I was happy again..how I wish to be more expressive and comfortable with my own self..how I wish ppl would stop misunderstanding me..haha how I wish another life..another chance to start afresh and grow up healthy..haha I wish no one goes through this..God bless ppl..how I wish I could include myself in a ll my wishes..hhaha
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You wrote exactly how I feel. Magic!
ReplyI ain't technically alone then haha
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