Im desperate and fucking delusional

I had these friends. A was 18, B was 15 (we're all highschoolers btw). I had liked B for a few months, but I didn't anymore when these events unfolded. A and B began to flirt and cuddle, kiss, act all lovey dovey and shit like that "as a joke" and at first it pissed me off cause I had liked B and it felt like A was rubbing it my face. But then as time passed and I stopped liking B I was more disgusted and by their flirting because of the age gap.

My other friend, C, was like "haha yeah this makes me uncomfortable" the more we talked abt it we realized "hey this is kinda gross. We should do something." I think we were still thinking about an actual pedophile we knew from the first semester. It was a gross situation and it was still fresh in our minds. (Honestly just thinking about it now makes me want to scream. It hurts so much but thats not the point.) A had actually helped me to tell someone about him too! C wanted to tell a teacher, I just wanted to talk to A and B

So that Friday evening A sent me a picture of them both, I dont even remember what was in that picture, but I thought back to my conversation with C and started to type "no cause why is an 18yo pretending to be in a relationship w a 15yo" then I was like wait this is stupid, so I took a screenshot to send to C so we could figure out what to say. I accidentally hit send. I panicked, deleted it and tried to cover it up with something else, but they saw it.

"What was that paragraph you sent me?" "What" (I was panicked and tried to ignore what I had done) "if you wanna say it, just say it" now I was panicking and texting my friend group (only 4 people including myself) abt what had happened because i didn't know what to do. They had actually been there when C and I talked abt the situation and agreed with us. When I saw the last text, and told them, C said "shit, say it then." So I sent them the paragraph I had planned with my friends. I was angry, I think I misread the tone of the text. I felt offended I guess. So naturally, we argued.

They said it was the same as them flirting with our other upperclassmen friends, i said they were disgusting. But I remember, shortly before I stopped liking B, me and A had a conversation about my crush for B, and how A said they liked B too. "If it makes you feel any better, it wont work out for me either." I wanted to cry at that time. And I even asked B about A and she admitted to liking them, and that she would be okay with dating if thats what A wanted. So I told this to A. We kept arguing and after, I refused to talk to them for almost a week.

I was upset afterwards, so I ran to my other friend, D for advice (he was like my dad figure). I sent him a sceenshot of our convo and asked "im sorry, did I fuck up?" He said no, but then he told me he was with another person (E) and that they agreed with my side of the argument. I was disappointed because I didn't want to make a big deal out of this. I felt guilty and apologized to E for bringing him in the situation, he said it was fine and that he said, "I think you're brave for saying what's been on your mind."

B texted me the morning after. She was worried for me (for different reasons) but I refused to tell her what had happened. I felt bad. But eventually I gave in. And after talking about it, we ended up arguing a bit. "I'm not a kid, I'm not stupid, I know what I'm doing." She said. Then came Monday. C wanted me to tell that teacher. It was in the auditorium where everyone in our group hung out (theater kids). C said they would've gone with or without me, but I felt bad so I went with them. The teacher said, "thank you for telling me, I'll talk to A, but it's legal (yea it actually is ok in our state) and it's probably nothing" (a watered down version of what he said).

Later I asked D, "what did A say" because they have the same class and i was fucking anxious. Apparently A was pissed off, and "didn't appreciate that." "I fucked up didn't i?" I said. D said, "yeah..." he convinced me to talk things out with A. Stupidly, I thought I could fix things. I wanted to do it the following morning in the auditorium, but A told D "I won't be there." So I took to messages. "We need to talk"

"Now you want to talk? After all you've done?" I cant remember the exact wording but it was something like that. Once again it pissed me off, whatever good apology I thought off was replaced by my anger and I fucked up what was supposed to be an apology and me explaining myself. "I just want to set things straight, but I'm only going to respond in the tone you give me." "Set things straight, then let's do that. You went behind my back and betrayed my trust about a relationship that doesn't exist and if it did, it would be completely legal. You made B cry multiple times and never apologized to me about anything." They said I was two-faced and that they thought I was jealous that B didn't like me in that way. "Fine" was all I said.

Apparently D, and two other people I barely talk to went to A about it. And another person knew as well. I still dont know how the fuck they knew about this situation. I was angry, because I had a feeling D had told them. A thought I was trying to spread rumors and talk shit. I never fucking wanted so many people to get involved. But I can't go back in time no matter how much I want to.

After crying so hard and talking to C about everything, I thought I had calmed down. Then I picked up my phone and saw a notification from B. Explaining that she was hurt and didn't want to be friends anymore. Her paragraph reinforced what I had done and I felt so much guilt. I genuinely wanted to die at that moment.

The next morning, I went in the auditorium and A was there. All I could think was, "you fucking liar." I couldn't even look at them. It was the same at our lunch table. I regret sitting there that day, but I stupidly thought neither A or B would go because of me. Everything haunted me for the rest of the week. During exams. When I performed at graduation and watched A walk across that stage, knowing B said they'd be in the audience with A's family. It's been over a month and I cant stop thinking about it. I honestly don't know what to do.

13 people in total (including a fucking teacher) got involved and i feel horrible. I never wanted it to end up like this. Even though people have said, "I agree with you but you went too far." I feel like I'm delusional, that somehow I made all this drama up. Am I going insane? All I know is that I'm awful person. Sometimes I still feel suicidal and that i deserve more suffering. I secretly wish everyone else would cut me off so they wont have to deal with my bullshit. Please help me.

Tdlr: I fucked up and I can't go back. Please, for the love of God, help me. If you are reading this and you think you know me and that you are A or B, talk to me. I'm desperate and I'm really fucking sorry. I know I messed up and you don't even have to talk to me again afterwards or be friends. I just wanted to let you know. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.