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I wrote under the same title months ago.
I mentioned how I had change from looking up at the sky to looking down while I walk. I was scared that I would change, that I would ‘grow up’ and forget about things like noticing nature around me which was natural to me.
Thankfully I got out of that state. I was studying then, preparing for entrance exams. Once the exams were done and I stopped studying for one or two months I was back at my initial state. But I don’t know why, maybe I felt I wasn’t doing anything, I started studying again. And what noticed was that after two days of studying I was again at the state I was scared of. I get too into studying without enjoying it. it’s like it drains out any life from me. But I have my whole life ahead of me and for a few upcoming years studying will be my main focus.
I don’t know how to keep excited doing it. I can’t believe that I am going to college. So thinking about how I would turn into a ‘ grown up’ is still scaring me. I know how we all have responsibilities and I’m more ready than ready to take them. I am really focused on doing something in life, doing something for my life. But I get scared when I imagine myself waking up with only the purpose of working and getting home to sleep. It’s not that it’s bad. But I don’t think I want that attitude towards life.
I don’t know why but the image of grown ups in my mind is people who stop caring about considering what others think, who have to think twice before helping others, who are scared of trying something new, who stop appreciating little things, who don’t do ‘childish’ things just because they are grown ups.
And I don’t want to be like that.
I don’t know what to say now..
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