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Today was one of those days. The kind where you wake up to apathy. Get ready as slowly as possible because you don't want to go over there. Put on a smile. By the end of the day I can't remember if it was real or fake. Hot shower. Steam. Deep breaths through a panic attack. Cry into my pillow, and eventually I'll fall asleep to it.
Some days I wonder if anyone is deemed "good enough" for their own blood. Or for anything for that matter. People in general are so judgemental. They will always find any little thing to pick and prod at.
I remember when I used to excite over seeing family. The fun it would bring, even if it was no fun at all. Even if I was still an outcast amoung my cousins, and a child amoung the adults. Somehow I always thought I fit there. I don't know how I had never seen it. Now that circle has shrank. My parents are the only people I fit with. Everywhere else I feel unwanted, unappreciated, and judged.
I wonder, how will I ever be good enough for myself, if I am not even worthy in the eyes of those who are supposed to love me unconditionally? (Not that I subscribe to the notion that family is entitled to love even if they did something to hurt you.)
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