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I have a deep hatred for my mother. I've always disliked things about her, but as time has gone on and years have passed, it's got gradually worse over time. I feel like she gaslights me and manipulates people to believe things that mean she can avoid confrontation and I have to look bad. One example is my grandparents. My grandparents died during Covid, and I managed to see my grandad on his deathbed and my nan a few times before she passed, but they died thinking I didn't want to see them due to the fact my mum had not told them that she had specifically told me not to bother them or go round there at all during the pandemic. I used to try and call them and their hearing wasn't great on the phone and so I sort of went along with it thinking she would at least have told them what was going on. I go round there on the day my grandad died and my nan is asking me where I've been and why I haven't been there.. My mum is sitting downstairs.. I address it with her, she plays it down, tells me to not make a scene and says I'm ruining the atmosphere of my grandads death. This is just one issue I've had. There's more stories like this where I've either taken her advice growing up or listened to her promises of something and they haven't been delivered. They're only ever delivered on her terms and those change at any given moment depending on how she feels. I truly hate her, it's been building for years. There's a number of other serious things that have happened that contributed to this, but I don't want to put them all on the internet. I don't get an apology, I don't get an explanation, I just get more panned off and more told I should be grateful that I'm even there at all or involved at all. She's truly a horrible person and she disguises herself as something else. I just wanted to get that off my chest. It's been bothering me for a long time.
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"Last chance.
How are you a bloody victim? YOU WERE LEFT NOTHING IN THE WILL. Not my choice, simple fact. Also, not as much money left anyway. Go talk to a lawyer.
I'M NOT DENYING ANYTHING YOU LITTLE SHIT.
For my own sanity and health I'm going t have to block you again."
This was what she said in the last email she sent me when we were talking about it. Never had one apology about it. My grandad was in such bad shape he died thinking I purposely never went there out of choice when I was literally banned from going whilst my mum is making regular visits. She's then spent the 65k she was left doing her house up.
ReplyWow. A lot to say and not sure I'll get to it all.
It definitely sounds like maybe you and your mom need some space. I'm not sure how old you are or if you're still living at home, but space would be good. I can tell you as dysfunctional as my family is, my mother has never called me "a little shit". It sounds to me that she probably does have some issues, if nothing else struggles with how to parent, and creating a boundary is absolutely ok. People sometimes think "But she's your mom. You need to forgive her." but I don't. I believe in setting healthy boundaries to create a safe space for oneself. Yes, in a perfect world I would love for you and your mom to get to a healthy relationship. Heck, I'd love that for my own mom and me, but that's not always possible.
As for whatever you're referencing in the will. If it was a true will then the laywer would notify you of what you were left (assuming you're not a minor). If you have questions, I would contact their laywer.
As for your grandparents, covid was a scary time for everyone. Young or old. I'm sure your grandparents wished they could se you more, but they probably understood the situation too. Don't hold on to that as there's nothing that can send everyone back in time to do differently. If you were around some and you told them you loved them when possible, then they knew you loved them.
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