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I've spent my whole life watching, wanting so badly to be in that place. With all those little boys. Teach me how to fight. Teach me how to build. I want to change a tire. Change my own oil. Show me how to clear that tree from my driveway without hurting myself. How do I do my own taxes? What the fuck is the stock market and how do I make the most of it?
I know how to cook. I know how to clean. Know how to look pretty, get what I want from a boy, take care of others. How do I start a fire? How do I tie the knot so that it won't drop me?
I feel like I have been failed. Over and over. At every opportunity. We were too poor to learn martial arts or self defense. I'd ask, you'd deny.
'Figure it out.'
Girl scouts, and all we learned was how to make a piggy bank out of a pop bottle. I know I am a girl. I've heard it over and over.
'You're a girl, you don't need to know.'
I DO NEED TO KNOW.
'Someday your husband will do it all for you.'
FUCK THAT. I WANT TO DO IT. FOR MYSELF. TODAY.
All that, because I'm a girl.
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ReplyYeah, obviously. But that will never be the same as having an actual teacher. And it will never change the fact that opportunities to learn those kind of life skills were always abundant for my brother growing up, and often flat out refused for me. I am allowed to be angry about that.
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