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i was recently asked why I sh? the answer is simple: to let it all out. To let it all drip away in blood. But it never does I think that’s why the scars exist, to remind me that I’ll never be fine. I’ll never be loved or deserve to love. I am reminder to myself that I should never exist and at this point I’m sick of it. No matter how many times I hear someone say stop wallowing in self pity, you’re privileged to have the option to feel bad about yourself. It goes beyond feeling bad about yourself, it goes to the point where I’m sick of being in the same room as myself, sick of hearing my thoughts, sick of hearing myself breathe. Well, I’m done feeling that way and I’m done with the world telling me to get up, be productive and live because I don’t want to live. I don’t want to live this life where I was born in a body I don’t feel comfortable with so shut up and stop telling me to be pathetic. You know I think that’s where so much of hating myself came from. It came fro, the insults and expectations of the world. The anger festered inside of me to become this wound that never healed. I am so angry at the world and with myself. I want to stop feeling and no matter how much I try, nothing world. I, ready to give up now. I’m ready to die.
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