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I'm 22 years old. Because of my strict dad I've grown to be an introvert and have social anxiety. I grew up to be a shy and quiet kid.I loved my dad but was also scared of being scolded by him. I have a younger brother and he was a little naughty so during his teenage there were a lots of problems in our family cause of my dad n brother. They would fight everyday. It was a very scary. My brother was very reckless and didn't care. He dropped out of college. Now he's got a job n working and moved out. And in these few years my dad lost all trust on him. And after this things became worse for me. He started controlling me more and doesn't trust me saying you'll become like your brother....Since my dad was strict I didn't go out and spent most of my time alone by myself. I can't make conversations or talk to people. Most of the time I feel worthless. I didn't make much frnds I didn't get to njoy and hang out with those few few people properly cause of my strict dad. I feel bad to bring my friends home cause I'm scared my dad would say anything. If I introduce my guy frnds to him it's worse. I read wat he is thinking at that moment in his head. Once when my guy frnd came home and when he was leaving my dad started asking me nonsense like why is here so long is he your bf n started to scold me. The guy didn't here anything tho. So i stopped telling him about my frnds. I don't have privacy to speak to my friends even in call. So I can't even cry I swallow it or I cry in the bathroom. My dad had me like this and now I'm 22 years old and now he's saying I'm worthless. I'm timid I don't know the world n stuff. Like whose fault is that? Mine? I know he'll never understand but i tried to explain but it didn't work it just backfired n I got more hurt. He doesn't know how hard I'm struggling. My mental health is so messed up. I feel so dumb in front of everyone. I push myself so hard. I try hard. I'm Always overthinking. Degrading my own self.Judging every part of me so bad. Scared of everything. I didn't want to be this way🥺. I'm literally just still in one place and drowning. My dad Justifies his doings saying he educated me fed me gave me what I want n stuff... I am Greatful for that but he really did a lots for me I don't deny it but his so called "protection" Ruined his child he does not know that. I don't know when this is going to end. Luckily I'll be moving out to study my PG. I know it's going to be really tough for someone like me out there but atleast I'm relieved I'm escaping from this place. My mom is really sweet. She's very quiet. She doesn't have the power to shout back at him it'll get worse if she does. She ignores him. But she supports me and my brother to the end. She always wishes the best for us and for us to move away from home and live as we want cause of my dad. I'll definitely
give her the happiness and freedom she needs oneday. My dad is the cause that myself and my brother turned out messed up today. I couldn't be an elder sister to my brother that day. I'm not the proper daughter to my mother and I'm worthless as a human. Sitting in my room lost in thoughts in an empty void. I don't know wat to do. Home is not home anymore.
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I assure you moving out will put u in such a better place. Even if its scary. I have this feeling it will safe u.
We can always blame our parents, but they were once raised too. We never know what possible trauma they probably went thrue. Thank ur parents for feeding and raising u and move on. Toxic houshold are common and terrible. But good thing is ur old enough to kinda care for urself. Moving out will probably help u find ur peace. Well, thats what I at least hope for u.
Its ur life. Ur still young and u can still change a lot.
Be open in life and try teaching urself even if its hard!.
I, to say the least believe in you.
U GOT THIS.
sending u hugs.
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