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How to be a horrible sister, daughter, grand daughter and friend 101
9 months ago · 1 · Family Issues, +3 · Explicit
166
Where do I even begin? I don't even know how to process everything that has happened in the last few days.
I have always had a complicated and destructive family life. I am one of 5 kids, to a single mother, after my domestically abusive dad died when I was 9. I am the middle child, and for many years, the only girl.
I had a fucking rough childhood. Between the death of my dad and the way I felt about how he treated me and my family while he was alive, to the mess it turned my mother into, I have no idea how I managed to pull through to adulthood, especially considering my struggles mental illness.
When I found out my mother was pregnant again, I was 12. She asked me if she should go through with the termination, and as a 12 year old with only brothers, I stupidly told her that it could be a girl, and I wanted a sister.
Oh boy, did I get what I asked for and then some. My little sister was born in 2014, her dad is a married man to a crazy woman, and they violently threatened my mother and her kids when they found out she was pregnant. At first, the pregnancy seemed to make things better I think, my mother stopped drinking although she couldn't quit smoking despite my best efforts, and eventually I got to be the one thing I wanted most in the world, a big sister to this tiny bundle of everything. I am sobbing while writing this.
For context, my mother is a hoarder, and after my dads passing it only got worse. By the time my sister had arrived, the house was already beyond repair. My mother developed anger issues after my fathers passing, and despite everything he did to her and to us, she loved him endlessly. She called him her soul mate, she kept everything he owned, she couldn't even bring herself to get rid of the bed they shared 15 years later, when it was full of mice.
I was kicked out in April of 2020, one of my older brother attempted to lock me in his shed to keep me from getting away, but I broke the doors hinges late at night and ran.
I wish I could say I never looked back, but I can't. I had to leave my sister behind if I was going to get out, and that was the hardest thing I have ever done. I managed to hitchhike to a major city, and get in contact with one of my older brothers who left the family about 10 years earlier.
Mind you this was the height of Covid 19 as well, so when I arrived, work was hard to come by. I struggled through despite making 2 more attempts on my life during the hardest times, and I managed to get a job and a new place, and I got my youngest brother out when he turned 18. He has been living with me since, but it was very hard knowing my sister was now alone with my mother, with no one to protect her. My brother stayed in contact with my mother to continue mointoring the situation from afar, and about 2 months ago my little sister finally broke down to us. She is only 8 years old, and my mother has been horrible to her. She told us that she barely got food, and at that point I had heard enough. I called the authorities immdently, and I filed a report with child protective services to have my sister removed from her.
The system has done nothing, except for alert my mother, who has gone absolutely insane as a response.
And then on Friday my uncle called.
I haven't spoken to my uncle for over 10 years, he didn't get along with my mum (his sister) throughout their entire lives. He had stayed on my grandparents side when she ran off to ruin her life. He said "I assume you know what happened to your mother?"
I didn't. No body told me.
She had a stroke, she was paralyzed down one side, they were transferring her in an ambulance to a better hospital, my grandparents where going to get my sister, everything was happening so fast.
My grandparents found out that I had called the authorities, and they snapped at me. They said I should show my mother more respect, that I was a horrible daughter, and that she needed help, not the police.
My heart just shattered. My grandparents has always been embrassed about my mother and her life, they took down photos of her in their house, they wrote her out of their wills, they abandoned us when mum called them after being beaten half to death by my father, and now they have EVERYTHING.
They have my sister and they won't even let me speak to her on the phone, let alone see her in person. They have refused to give me any update on my mothers condition, and eveb though she is a truely awful person that hurts because she is still my mother and despite everything there is a part of my heart that loves her.
My friend dropped everything to be with me the moment she found out, and I have been nothing but a burden to her for the past few days. I cry uncontrollably, and the pain in my heart is like nothing else. I don't know what to do. I am not in the financial position to be able to care for my sister even if I could get her, and with my family in the way I am just lost.
What the fuck do I do?
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First, cry. Just fucking cry, man. This whole situation sucks and it's gotta be felt. You have to feel the emotions. Let your friend be there and take care of you in any way you need and they are willing to. Look into trying to file a request through their county court for sibling visitation with your sister. They can deny the request, but that doesn't mean it's not worth trying. As for your mom, there are really two options that come to mind (from experience with family like this of my own): Get in contact with your uncle or other extended family if you can to check on your mom for you, or tell your grandparents what they want to hear. It doesn't matter if it's true. They want an apology for this or that? Just apologize even if you don't mean it. They want an admission that you fucked up in one way or another? Do it. Agree that you fucked up even though you did nothing wrong. I'm so fucking sorry you're going through this. I hope this life brings you peace soon, it sounds like you of all people deserve it right now.
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