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To Brandon,
You used me. You contacted me 4 times over the 10 years I've known you, and this time you finally got to fuck me after you made me feel bad for you. You finally got what you wanted. You used me, discarded me, and then acted like I didn't exist.
I never initiated ANY contact with you, but you always fucking came back into my life like as if I owe you something. I don't fucking owe you anything. I don't need you. I never did. But yet you kept coming back over and over again, and this time, I finally let you in and you treat me like that? Fuck no. I don't regret going crazy the way I did. You fucking sat here and made me think you loved me all these years. You always popped up and I thought omg he loves me. You don't fucking love me. That's not love. None of the shit we had was love.
When I'm sad or angry, you won't be allowed to console me. When I'm happy, you won't be able to experience that with me. When I need someone, you won't be the shoulder that I cry on. I won't allow for you to have the right to come close to me because you're a damn two-faced monster and I don't trust a word you fucking say anymore. There's no excuse for the shit you did to me. If you loved me and cared for me, you'd be here right now. If you wanted to make sure I was safe like you said, you'd be here right now. Instead, you gave your girlfriend ( who you said you didn't want to be with ) all of my social medias so that she could go stalk me and talk shit about me on the internet, and then when I went crazy over that, trying to figure out why the fuck she had my shit, you gave me a restraining order??? You clearly gave my shit to her, but yet you expect me to not go crazy???
And the best part is, after allllll this shit, YOU call ME a fucking NARCISSIST??? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU FOR YOU TO CALL ME SOME SHIT LIKE THAT? Fuck you, you bastard.
My peace and sanity is far more important than you will ever be. If you really loved me like you said you did, you wouldn't make me go through these mental trials for your love. So fuck you. I never needed you, your fake love, or your poor excuse of a friendship. You used to always say how I didn't understand you growing up. I don't even want to understand you now. It's no point, because people like you don't need to be understood.
Please, for the love of God, please don't come back into my life. I don't think I'd be able to handle it. You hurt me so fucking bad. I think about you all the time. I couldn't even listen to that recording you sent me of you calling me bitches and whores. I can't. I can't fucking do it. Out of all the people in my life, I really didn't think that you would fucking treat me like that bro. I really didn't. How could you do that to me when I never ask you for nothing? I never showed up into your life at all. I never contacted you all this time. You always came into MY life. You always contacted ME first. So then why the fuck are you treating me like as if I did something fucked up to YOU?
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And even after all of this...I still love you. I still love you because I know I said things that were fucked up, too. I fucked up, too. You told me it seemed like I didn't want to trust you. I did, you just weren't the guy I fell in love with. You weren't the guy I saw back in middle school, so dumbly happy over eating the most wasabi peas than your friends. It's so vivid and every time I think about you I fucking hate you because I love you so fucking much and I can't get you out of my fucking head. Every day is fucking torture, bro. Every. Fucking. Day
ReplyI still love you. Every day without you hurts. I try to forget about you, but I can't help myself thinking about what happened, even though it's been months. How could you treat me like that if I loved you? We both fucked up. I'm not ashamed to admit that. So then why is it that I'm the one who's hurting and you can just act like I don't exist, man? Why? Why do I still cry over you? Why does this still affect me? Why?
ReplyI'm not even the type of person to get involved in anything like this and you know that. I'm introverted. A loner. I don't have many friends. Never did because it seemed like they used me. I'm really close with my sisters though and I absolutely love them. I care about them with all my heart. I know I can have a temper sometimes, and I know I couldn't give you what you wanted, so then why contact me? You said you just wanted to be friends. But we weren't. I used to always tell you that we could never be friends when we were kids. You remember that? Now look. We're grown now, still acting like a bunch of kids.
Reply