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So, me and my bf of 1 year are having same problems and issues again and again. We fight over the same things again and again. He is the type of guy who wants the issue to be resolved immediately while I take time to process so that I don't say something I don't mean. There is a guy, gonna call him Max, in our project group. He's friendly & a great guy but my bf hates him. They both have dominating personality and that's where all the issue lies. Me & Max share almost the same brain cells. Our ideas, solutions, and way of thinking are almost similar. So whenever an issue arises between my bf and me, I'm torn. I don't take either of their sides... I think in the same way as Max while my bf also has a point. This is what makes him angry. I thought I had cleared everything after every fight we had but recently he told me that we haven't been resolving anything. It broke me. I thought we had it strong from the very start resolving everything. He says that I never stand up for him even when he's completely right.... which is true. I never stood up for him or myself. I feel horrible. Idk what to do... I take so much time processing things... I come up with things long after the fight is over. He tells me that he feels like he's always alone in a battle. I don't want to lose him. He's the love of my life. He's my world... Idk what to do... any advice would be helpful.... Plz I need to save my relationship... I feel like I'm in a million pieces.
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Hi there. It sounds to me like you and your bf are fundamentally incompatible. That's not saying anyone is right or wrong, it's just that you're never going to lock in step. Especially if you're having bad fights in your 1st year?? That's the honeymoon period. Unfortunately things usually get worse after the 1st year, so maybe you can see where this is going.
What he said about nothing ever being resolved is troubling. This means he's holding on to resentment. If he really meant it (and wasn't just blurting something to be hurtful), it means he has never forgiven you for any disagreements and he's holding on to those wounds. Hun you can see that red flag from space.
My honest opinion? Dump the bf. Stay single for a few months to catch your breath. As much as it's tempting to jump into the arms of Max, that would be a rebound and rebounds always fail. Maybe keep Max at an arm's length, just friends, as you shake the bf loose and find your independence. Then go where life takes you and be happy :)
ReplyThank you, I really am grateful....
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