My Unsent Letter

Dear Best Friend Whose Husband Hates Me,

This year made 13 years we have been friends. I know the last two have different as we've both started our own families.

Something you said got back to me though and I'm HURT! I was told the reason we don't hang out as much is because [Husband] doesn't like me. I was told it was said it's easier not to have me around because he doesn't want me around. I know that is your spouse and the father of your child, but why would you let someone who you have known for 4 years skew your opinion of me so much that you don't reach out or invite me over anymore. I tried to give a dresser to your child and you told me you had one, but when I stopped by your yard sale and you showed me the house........ there was no dresser in his room. I now know that it is because [husband] does not like me and doesn't "want anything in this house from her." And honestly that is fine because at the end of the day, where your rocky relationship becomes that much more rocky, I won't be the one to fall back on. I won't be the shoulder for you to cry on. I won't be the one for you to turn to anymore. Every time you had a manic episode during our teenage years, it was I that your WHOLE family turned to bandaid the situation. So many times, I have been there for you over and over again. You being the top priority. When my family was crumbling, your mental state came before that. My family and their situation was constantly judged by you and your mom but my loyalty and love for you surpassed your judgement. I always saw past it. I always chose to. I never wanted to see the bad things about you but this situation has forced me to. You are spoiled and don't place any value on the people who care about you. You have honestly never been a great friend. We have great memories and we do have fun together, but being around you is soooooo draining and it took me this long to fully it. Your insecurities are life sucking. I had to push down all of the things I was going through to leave room for you. Your selfish needs came before everything. When your aunt took me in that summer I came home from college, your mom and you made me feel like I owed you two for it!! I didn't owe anyone but [Aunt]. When you met [husband] I never saw anything good coming from it. He was only around on the weekends and y'all would have all these nights together and I remember you literally had to make a list of standards (that were pretty basic for a man) to follow. If he really loved you, you would not have had to make that list. I always thought it was pathetic honestly. He could go do all these things with you but could never take the time to claim you. I know all good things are built off of a friendship but he plainly had a girlfriend at one point and never told you about her, yet was still hanging out with you some weekends. You both went back and forth for years doing this. He never showed affection for you in my opinion. And then you got pregnant. This dude had NEVER even posted on FB (not that it's a sealer) before this baby, but all of a sudden, you're in his profile picture. Next thing, y'all are engaged. I 100% believe that he would have never asked yo to marry him had you not got pregnant. He argues with everyone you loved before him. He puts you down in front of your family. You were less that 12 hours post pardom and he was mentioning your weight and how if you breastfed, the weight would come off quicker. I was absolutely baffled that someones husband could speak to them like this less that 12 hours from having their baby. I have no clue how you deal mentally with him. After your ED experience and all you went through, how you can you think he loves you. He may take care of you financially, but there is no way you can think the things he says to you are love. When he poured a 90 calorie ginger-ale down the drain while staring you in your 7 month pregnant face... I was absolutely shocked you just cowered to him. The [best friend] I know would have never let someone walk over her like that. I'm honestly done typing about this now, but you're not the friend I thought you were. You're selfish and conceded, just like your husband and I'm done with you.