Why is my life so abnormal.

I would become 21 next month, and I just feel like not existing.. I just feel I've missed out on so much in my life I can't even comprehend. I'm in midst of college phase of life, where I decided I would be career focussed from the beginning of college and only work for my career and studies so I can do better afterwards.. fast forward to today I feel I've achieved basically nothing.. nothing at all.. All my "friends" in college have better lives than me, are happy, go for parties and have an atleast happy life to tell. And here meanwhile I'm riddled with misery, I keep falling sick, I study all day everyday and still don't get good grades at all, I got a backlog in one subject this semester.. meaning I will have to give retest in the next semester of that subject.. At home I don't have my family at one place.. my dad and older sister left me and mom 4 years ago, and here I'm tortured mentally by my mom as doesn't let me get out other than going to college, she doesn't have me buy things for myself, she uses the money I earned from freelancing for her own and for buying food, even tho money is sent to her bank account each month for this.. I honestly feel I have no future I feel I should just find methods to die quicker and easier, I envy people who have hobbies which keep them going, as all my hobbies and fantasies have gone out of existence lately, nothing interests me anymore, nothing is good.. nothing.