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Maybe I was too welcoming. That is how I have always been. Always open to friends, and always offering space. But you never really appreciated it. I would try to get to know you, try to be nice and be your friend. I was always met with rude remarks and glares. For some reason, I always turned a blind eye. Maybe I pittied you. Or maybe I just thought it was some sort of facade you were putting on to keep youself safe. Truthfully, I think I just wasn't sure what it meant to have a friend. That's my problem. I've always known how to be a friend. I've never quite figured out how to have one. Today, I heard you're moving up in this world. Maybe 5 years ago I would've been excited for you. Today, I just feel disappointed. What gave you the right? Why is it, a person like you can have that, and a person like me cannot? I don't want to be this petty. The truth is, I don't even want what you have. I don't know why I feel this way. I just do. Maybe it's because my brain goes back to every insult, back-handed comment, and every snear. I didn't deserve that. I tried so hard to be your friend. A feat that was impossible. I am just mad at myself for trying. Mad that there are people just like me who are still trying. Mad that you won't ever make an effort for those people either. It's not really any of my business. So maybe I should just forget about it.
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Well now we already now that OP was a real fake kinda friend.
ReplyHow so? I was always their friend from the start. They put no effort into our friendship, but still I kept trying. I tried for 16 years. I gave them the benefit of every doubt. I never questioned it. I had their back when they were bullied. I introduced them to other friends I had made. I accepted them in every aspect of my life, but still they never tried. I was their friend without conditions, and because of that I got treated like shit. I've learned that friendship is supposed to be conditional. I can't keep giving my all to people that give nothing in return. It's not like I had a huge falling out with this person, I just stopped putting in the effort, because I wasn't recieving any in return. And yeah, sometimes it still upsets me. I'm not saying that I want to take away the things they are gaining in life. I'm not saying that they don't actually deserve them. I'm saying that they treated me wrong, and because of that, sometimes I still have very human emotions about it: anger, pettiness, pity. So what? I'm human. That makes me fake?
But in actuality, please tell me how I have been fake to them. I would like to not be fake in the future. Or was that just an assumption a stranger on the internet made from a half-hearted post when they actually know nothing about me or my situation? Still, I will consider whatever it is you say.
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