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I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 years now. She's an amazing girl and I'm in love with her. We've been getting closer everyday but everyday she's been acting up not being rude to me but having a bad mindset about things. We talk about the future a lot it's one of our main topics and she always talks about her life which I enjoy listening to and she looks so down on herself saying she won't succeed in life and her wanting to give up. I've helped her throughout and explained to her that she will succeed and there's no reason for her to give up when she's already made it so far. I've explained it her multiple times and her crying about it breaks my heart, all she really wants is to be successful enough to make herself and others proud, her already pushing through and making it so far, people are so proud of her because she's made it to her dream. I want her to be proud of herself, let her look around to show her that everyone is grateful for her and because they are but she's scared that it's never enough and watching her believe it is so sad. As her boyfriend, I'm supposed to be helping her make sure that everything is alright and that she deserves the world because my girl does. Right now I don't know if I've done enough and watching my girl push through makes me want to work harder for myself. Sometimes I'd wish that she'd be proud and happy for herself but she's not and if I could just help a bit with that though truly I don't know how to let her see it. I'm asking how I can show/explain that she's doing great but that doesn't mean giving up on what you started just take a deep breath in because look at what she's done so far. So how can I talk to her about it?
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It seems like talking to her about it hasn’t worked so far. And big ups to you for caring so much about how she feels! Honestly, if your reassurance isn’t getting through and making her really “feel” it.l, I do have an idea…
Plan a little surprise “we’re so proud of you” party or get together. Invite all the people closest to her (or both of you) to just come over and hang out and gush about how proud of her they are. A little recognition of what she’s achieved thus far, if you will. Tell them to maybe bring a little motivational gift, like a coffee mug with a catchy saying, or an inspiring art print. Some things she can have in her surroundings at work or at home (or both) to look at and be reminded of the people that are so proud of her and what she’s done when she starts getting down in the dumps of self-doubt.
Have them talk to her about her future plans and what she wants to accomplish, maybe share stories about when they doubted themselves and how they dealt with it, or stories about when they failed at something and how they kept going, and just generally let her know they are there to support her and open to talk if she ever needs to vent or wants to seek advice.
ReplyJust a random thought - put together a short video that shows her accomplishments along the last few years, add an uplifting song as background music, then show it to her.
Also - 6 years? Put a ring on it. Otherwise she might get away. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
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