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If I even tried to estimate the time I spent in my life feeling depressed, I can guarantee you I would underestimate it. Certain days it just hits harder than the rest. I just feel every bad emotion and feeling a person can. Grief, guilt, sadness, loneliness, regret, disappointment, and anger. I just sit back and think of all the things I should have done and should be doing. I'm mad because it's only me to blame. I continue to not follow through with things. I continue to fail myself. I look in the mirror and despite everything I have endured, I don't like what I see. I can't remember a time when I did. I just have no clue how to get myself out of this. It feels so permanent. It's like this is just how it was meant to be. The thing that scared me the most is time. All the years I spent feeling like this. I can't get that back. I'm older now. I missed out on a lot. All I have is my mom and dad and they are old now. Another big fear if mine is my mother and father never getting to meet the love of my life. I know it sounds stupid. I just haven't met anyone yet and I'm 25. I feel pathetic. I just don't want my dad to die being disappointed in me or just not ever seeing me with someone. I want him to know I'm going to be okay. To be honest though I haven't been in a long time. Just writing this I can feel the tears coming, which is crazy because I haven't cried in a long time either. I just can't see any light anymore. All my thoughts are negative. It's like a virus slowly killing every good feeling in my body. I wish there was more to my life. So much more.
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Maybe you won't see this but I just want you to know that you're not alone in feeling like this. I feel like this too. But please hold on, we both need to hold on. We have people who love us and want what's best for us. So we need to keep striving to become our best for them. Don't give up! Keep going! Keep pushing yourself to become the best that you can be. You CAN do this! I believe in you! You are beautiful, strong and unique <3
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