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i think i was raped and now i don't know what to do...
8 months ago · 5 · Relationship, +2 · Explicit
228
my boyfriend and i have been together for about a year. the first time we had sex i wasn't okay with doing it, but as the night progressed i started to get into the mood. so we ended up having sex. when we were doing it i was having fun and then i said no, i said no quietly. i don't think he heard me so he kept going. i didn't say it again and we kept going until we both finished. but when i said stop he didn't stop, but i didn't say it again. and he doesn't know, and i don't know whether or not to tell him. i know that he never meant to hurt me, but i feel like if i don't tell him i will never be okay again.
i know that i want to stay with him. i know that i love him more than anything and i know that we can get through this.
but was it technically rape?
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If he didn't hear your protests it wasn't rape.
Replythe thing is i'm not sure if he did or not-
ReplyYou think he didn't hear you. He probably didn't. If you want to stay with him you have to believe that. You also have to talk to him. Tell him what happened but don't talk about technically rape, just say you said no quietly and talk to him about what you can do in the future to make it more clear. You need to be louder and more assertive. It's ok to tell him you don't really know how to do that and need his help and you can both brainstorm on ways to do it. If he loves you and is a good guy he will go with this. If he tries to push it on you as in 'you need to figure it out on your own' then dump him, he will give you grief in the long run. Having intimate conversations with your boyfriend and expressing your wishes is really, really hard but it's something you have to learn how to do to have functional relationships in the future. This, like most of life, is a learning process.
ReplyTo be honest, if you think there's a chance he didn't hear you then no. I think you're right you have to talk to him about this especially if you two want to continue a physical relationship. He needs to understand you got to a point that time where you didn't want it. And if you told him the second time clearly to stop and he didn't even though he heard you, then that's a serious problem. But if you accuse him of something as serious as rape, you need to be absolutely sure because that can put him in jail. This is not a simple problem, my advice though, is to talk to another adult before talking to him. Talk about it with someone you trust who can help you and explain the whole side of it to them. Then the two of you can decide where to go. But don't go talk to him alone. Be safe and be smart about this, I'll be praying for you.
Replythank you so much! i appreciate you!
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