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I started my freelance journey from Extreme Commerce. In the past 6 months, I have learned a lot of things, but I failed to implement those things in my life. Many opportunities arose during this period, but I failed to avail them, mainly because of my laziness and shyness. I always think everyone is judging me, and I'm very hesitant to even ask people. I worry about how they'll respond; I fear they'll insult me or react negatively. I'm at a point in my life where I sometimes think I will never succeed and will end up poor.
It's not that I've never earned money; I've made a decent amount, but not in this field. I have a history of quitting. I quit my first job on the third or fourth day with lame excuses — excuses are all I give. I'm not consistent. I left my academic program in the middle, using the excuse that the teachers weren't good and the studies were subpar. A year later, I applied to AIOU and received an interview call, but I never attended because they required classes on Saturdays and Sundays. I used the excuse of having a job and not being able to take Saturdays off. In reality, I didn't want to sacrifice my Sundays for classes. Now, I deeply regret that decision.
I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I think I will never succeed. I'm not religious either. Why? Because I lack consistency; I don't know how to achieve it. I can't stand seeing my father work tirelessly to pay the bills and household expenses while I'm here doing nothing productive. I waste time playing video games, even though I have good Amazon skills. I never utilize them to attract customers. My life has become a mess, and I'm unsure of what to do. I believe I'm wasting my life, yet I take no action to change it. At times, I feel like I'll conquer the world, but then I'm lying in bed with a controller in my hand. Life gets tougher with each passing day.
I want to make my parents proud; I'm their only son. I have responsibilities, but I don't take them seriously. God, I know you're watching; I'm stuck. I know I'm a sinner, and I struggle to control myself; I make excuses. Please, God, I need help. I'm in complete darkness, and I don't see a way out. Everyone around me is doing something with their lives, but I'm not. I'm tense, drained, and surrounded by countless distractions. I can't even follow a schedule. It's 2:30 AM as I write this; I should be sleeping in my bed. I have to go to the incubator in the morning. Another confession: I'm writing this because the electricity is down, and I have nothing better to do."
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