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I'm not a very expressive person. When I was small, I remembered trying to open up to people only to be met with disappointment (feelings not being validated, reciprocated, used against me etc).
I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I've been very vulnerable and expressive towards him about almost anything. I show this by telling him whatever insecurities I have about our relationship and etc. But.. he's been wanting space lately and to have some alone time by himself (yet also told me that I'm free to message him whenever because he'll respond, just a bit late).
It sorta hurt me to hear that because he was the one who insists that I should open up myself more and not be scared of showing affection, but I understand and respect his decision. I've taken it upon myself to simply mute his notifications so I don't expect anything and see anything from him as it just makes my heart hurt. I also tried to focus on mysellf more and hangout with friends.
We still talk of course, but everytime we do, I can't seem to act like myself anymore. I feel afraid of showing any of my emotions because of what he said. I feel like I'll get attached again and he won't be able to meet my expectations (according to him, I expect too much from him).
I know he cares about me but these past few days I just can't seem to love him the way I did before because it just scares me that I might get too attached and make him feel suffocated.
Idk what to do, I really wish things were normal again. I really love him, but me detaching myself lately has made my feelings slowly fade somewhere in me..
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For context: I told him I wanted our relationship to be active, where we both put effort in our relationship to get to know each other and just ask about each other's day, but he said he wants it to be casual. He told me we should talk less and not call every night. He also told me I sound kinda ungrateful for asking so much from him, since he's done so much for me
ReplyHaving a relationship with someone is not an easy task. Sometimes you have happy, lovey days so sometimes it has gloomy phase. But the important thing is communication. Communicate whatever you feel, your insecurities, what things you dont like etc.. find a solution and work on them. Give him some time, everyone has tough phase in life, when you need to set some priorities, may be he needs to focus on his career or whatever but if you are one of the important one, he will make time for you. Just give some time and take a decision
Replyheyy!!!
I just wanted to say my boyfriend was a lot like this. I'm very vulnerable and expressive towards him about a lot of things too. He told me always yk be free to talk about something that bothers me or if something isn't right etc. I wouldn't say my boyfriend would want space but he does kinda push away my feelings at times he will ask me what's wrong if I really show it but at times he'll try to push away that I'm upset about something. At a point, I was mad at him for it because he did it a lot more and it wasn't really an argument but we talked it out and he explained that he doesn't want me to focus on what's upsetting me or give attention to the things that bother because it shouldn't matter. My boyfriend on the other hand is a little different than me, he's more of a guy who'd rather not tell people how he feels and just push it away and hope it'll eventually go away. I realized that's what he does with my feelings. When I told him this I guess he realized it more and gradually started to give my feelings a bit more validation. But still he does push it away. Yeah, it's technically not right for him but then again he wants me to be happy and he gets upset if I'm upset. But during those points in my life I'd decide to mute him on text messages and purposely reply late because I felt unwanted at that time. Ngl i'll do it sometimes if he bothers me by ignoring those feelings, and he will realize that he made a mistake and he'll try to fix it. He doesn't mind if I text late and I don't mind if he texts me later either but sometimes he'll get upset if I do lolll but I think he's learned a lot more than before to validate each others feelings and stop pushing it aside. Also your boyfriend saying that you're expecting TOO much from him isn't right for him to say because what you're asking is the bare minimum, if he can't listen to what your saying talk to him about it and let him know it's bothering you. You're not being needy or you're not asking for a lot he just needs to understand that you're trying to fix a problem that needs to be fixed. If he can't understand that, you need to think about the relationship. He shouldn't be annoyed about you trying to make the relationship better and if he can't provide and hear you out on that than girl he's not the right guy because these simple little things CAN BE FIXED OR IT'LL BECOME WORSE. Him wanting to be casual??? Didn't you say your boyfriend and you have been dating for almost a year now?? How is asking about each other's DAY and getting to know each other better not casual....? Talking less as in what??? Okay not calling every night is okay, my boyfriend and I don't do that every night either so that's understandable. But talking less like no good morning, no goodnight??
YOU DON'T SOUND UNGRATEFUL!!!!!! you're literally asking FOR THE BARE MINIMUM. How else are you supposed to fix a problem if you can't even do the simple things.
Honestly you need to talk to him about it ASAP. Like if he won't fix himself, I'll fix him for you. AND my boyfriend can talk to him and tell him how to grow up because it's truly not that big of a deal. You asking to fix something shouldn't be turning into this gigantic thing and if he can't see that then peace out you deserve better.
ReplyRomantic love is beautiful, but can be very fragile. It sounds like you're doing everything right, giving each other space, and keeping yourself busy. Hopefully, it all works for the best. Be true to yourself in the meantime, and make the best of your time because your youth goes fast. So keep moving forward, and everything will fall into place if what you ultimately want one day is true romantic love and a committed relationship based on mutual love, trust and respect.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
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