Trying not to break

I’ve been trying to help my sis out since she’s been mentally crashing but it’s dawned on me how bad it is.

She calls me her best friend and I hate it, she treats me so differently now. I want my older sister back not someone I have to mediate for.

I miss her genuinely and it hurts knowing it’s going to take a very long time before she can return to herself. I’m doing everything to help her realize but she’s the only one who can fix herself even if I point her in the right direction.

I got so used to it that I was in denial until she started breaking silent rules and justifying it with logic when there was no need to. She doesn’t understand empathy & compassion as she has a shield up now.

It makes me want to cry recently and it’s harder to hang around her. I want her to get better and so does everyone else.

When she goes out I see glimpses of how she use to be when she could understand and grasp everything going on easily so I know it’s not her changing

If she sees me cry I know it might make it worse but it hurts. I don’t want to break.