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There's this girl I pretty much always admire/look up to at school and I can't help but think why can't I be her? I really don't have much of an idea of what her personality is like but like she's just so naturally pretty it hurts. I would pass by her in the hallways, look at her from afar when i saw her and just look at her facial features and she's just so pretty. Pale/fair skin, soft V shaped jawline, shiny honey brown hair, hazel eyes, perfect clear skin. Since I'd be alone all the time while at school, (I have no friends), whenever I saw her I wished I was as pretty as her, and had her supportive friend group. I kid you not, her friends and her literally look like models at school, some of them do this really pretty makeup on themselves, their hair perfectly curled and styled, while the rest are just natural beauties. I feel so uncomfortable being around her, I just feel as if I'm not pretty enough. If I had a decently pretty face, my life would be so much easier.
Anyway, I go to this religious class, I attend by going to my teacher's home and there are other girls there (2-4 of them), and I started maybe a month ago, and I was so happy I had finally became closer to my religion, my parents proud and I tried my best to learn and revise what my teacher had taught me. Oh but no, it just all had to go wrong, didn't it? My teacher opens the door, and the girl I'm jealous of walks right in and I took one glance at her and I knew it was her. I tried telling myself it was someone else, not who I thought it was since I started panicking inside and I felt my heart beating wayyy too fast. I sat there in shock, while flicking thru pages in my book putting an act on as if I was revising. When really, I couldn't focus. What the hell was I supposed to do now? I can't change to another place to learn about my religion again, my parents would be so disappointed if I told them I don't want to go anymore due to this girl being there. I couldn't at all focus, I felt as if trying my best isn't good enough when she was there. I just felt so out of place, so ugly. I played it off decently though, no one knew I was basically doomed inside and getting lost in my thoughts. After the class ended, my dad came n drove me home and he did talk to me a bit but was just listening to some stupid podcast in the car. I looked to my left, trying to keep myself from crying and my eyes got so watery. When I came home, I practically bawled my eyes out. I have no idea what to do. I can't focus when she's there, I feel like I honestly just can't breathe. What am I supposed to do? I feel very overwhelmed, I still can't believe how much I cried. Why when my life is finally getting together it falls apart? Why can't I just not compare myself to others? I wish I loved myself, but I can't. Constant comparing myself to others, wanting to be just like them, my mom saying she wished I looked like her while growing up. And worst thing I was just feeling more confident about myself too, skin's clearing, natural makeup I've mastered doing it, and I WAS loving the way I looked. But now? I feel worse. Whenever I went to study about my religion I never cared about my looks really. I'm the sort of person to constantly check if I look good or not, and so while learning about my religion I felt at peace, didn't care about anything other than my religion, not worrying over looks. But now? Her?? Why didn't I know earlier she attended the same religious class as me.. What do I do? I'm actually so stressed out, I have no idea what to do and I WOULD'VE convinced my ma to let me move elsewhere, or let me study my religion online but she's fell out with me. So there's that.
I wish I was my ideal type of 'pretty'.
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The devil sent her to your religion class to distract you. Beat him by ignoring her and not looking at her at all. Concentrate on your religion.
Replyits hard though, her presence makes me not concentrate properly i have to read things a million times just to get it thru my head. I honestly cant breathe with her being around, like i panick. And the feeling of having to revise things perfectly and that even trying my hardest isnt enough anymore because of that girl.
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