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My mother hates me. I'm not straight and she hates me. I'm not cis and she hates me. I'm not neurotypical and she hates me. I'm not Christian and she hates me. I'm not obedient and she hates me. I'm not quiet enough about my pain and she hates me.
My bones ache. My ribs are so tight. My chest hurts. It's so hard to breathe. I wish my ribcage would break like a glowstick. I wish this could end. I'm so alone. I'm so alone it hurts. It hurts so bad I shake. It's like I'm having an internal seizure.
Why did the abortion fail. Why did they get the cord from around my neck. Why did my neck not break when I fell from my crib. Why did I not die from the fever. Why did I not die from the fever.
I'm so tired.
And the worst part is, everything is so fucking dirty. I wanna cry like an exhausted toddler. Everything is too much. I hate it here.
I wish my body could be dismantled. I disdain having physical form. This life is not for me.
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you will definitely find people who love you, care for you and accept you the way you are. remember, you did nothing wrong and god loves you
ReplyThe mother I had hated me too. I had a terrible childhood because of that bitch.
Replyi'm so sorry this is happening to you. if you are a minor and cannot find a job yet, if you have any friends you can stay with instead of your house, please do so. this is abuse and i think you deserve a better treatment than discrimination from your own family.
hmm, i do hope you can find a decent job (even an online one), just for you to afford your own living away from that environment. you can share rent with your peers or find a cheap one that doesn't experience much crime in the community. i hope you find a support community that will keep you safe from all of these things. you deserve to live a life with your truth. you deserve to be loved in your existence.
even if I'm a random stranger from the internet, as a big sister, i say you are loved. : ))
take care of yourself, always :))
ReplyDarling you are not alone cause most of us feel like that all of the time just remember we near u so u aint gonna give up so soon alright..remember that if u truly feel overwhelmed there was a reason u were born and it was not for satisfying tha woman...
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