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I just finished my Ph.D. and I should move to my new flat in about 2 weeks. My mother is hyperactive - she wants to do many tasks before I leave home and she forces me to give her power of attorney to act in my name in case of legacy. She would like to have power of attorney to get letters addressed to me, in this case I started to feel like maybe I should not give her this? I will be back home on weekends so it should not be a big deal. Moreover, if it is a case of legacy, my brother lives here so - he will get the same letter.
Today she wanted me to make a call. She knows I hate it/makes me extremely anxious and I did not find the call important at all. So she got mad, grabbed me by my shoulders, and shook me. Then she shouted at me and called me names. I did not react much, I only shouted at her to leave me alone, and I was thinking about leaving home as the best decision I could make.
Do you think she has some mental problems? or mental illness? I remember she was hitting me (on my back and butt) when I was a very little child. I was talking with her about it recently and she said "it was not at all painful" it was! sometimes very painful, I remember once I started to cry and I preferred to spend time with my grandparents instead of with her. It stopped for many years but now, as we spent months together (she is now retired) she started to be physically abusive again. And very controlling. She still thinks about what can happen and especially what can happen to me when I will live alone.... I never realized how toxic she is. Any advice on what to do....? besides leaving home...
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She is a control freak and doesn't want to let go of the control that she has. Stand up to her, be very assertive and don't allow her to control you in any way now and even after you move.
ReplyI would venture to say that only a clinical evaluation can determine whether she has mental problems. Apart from that - it sounds like you need to have a serious communication with her about boundaries. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
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