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To: The guy who played with my innocent heart
I should have known.
You had always been showing your red flags. But, I was blinded by the rose colored glasses. You didn't change. You didn't become worse. You were just being you and I failed to see that.
I was stupid. I thought everyone got a good side of them and I should try to look at that instead of their flaws. I thought you were a nice guy. I thought you were attentive because you never checked your phone when we were having conversations. You were attentive but that was all.
I should have known.
You were not who you claimed to be.
I heard you whispered to yourself, "I will ignore you because I don't like having feelings for you".
You said you were not the type of guy who'd get jealous easily but...why did you give me silent treatment for weeks just because I said I could go pick up the laundry by myself and you could wait in the car? You said you didn't like me asking too much about your day but you wanted me to list out every single thing I did and the exact time I did them? You said you would never be a controlling person but you got mad when I said I wanted to join the gym to get fit.
You told me you are loyal to one and hates cheating. Hey, you didn't even want to tell people that I was your girlfriend. You told them I was a "friend". You had many female friends who you went clubbing and got drunk with and yet you told me to not go out for lunch with my male co-workers. You told me all of your best friends engage in casual sex with the female friends that you guys always hang out with except you. Well, was that even true?
I used to call you after work because I wanted to hear your voice. You did too...but it didn't last long. You started to find me annoying and you ignored all my texts and calls despite being online. You replied to everyone else's except mine when all I did was caring for you. You said I was clingy. Was keeping in contact with you once every 2 to 3 days clingy? I gave you a lot of space but I guess you wanted more.
So, I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to communicate but you ran away. You ignored me. You ghosted me. You didn't want to face the problem. You were a coward. You still are.
I asked if you wanted to break up but you didn't even reply to my messages even though you read them. I gave you 2 weeks time. Still, you didn't reply. I saw you posted online. You went out to the club with your friends. You had a lot of alcohol. You were partying...while I was hurting. I was crying every night but you had fun.
Then, it hit me. Maybe I loved you too innocently and you took advantage of that. I didn't play mind games but you did and you might even like girls who does. I was your listener. I listened to your every concerns and rants but you never asked about my day.
Maybe you lied. You didn't love me. Though, you were the first to say 'I love you'. Maybe you loved the attention I gave you.
And me? I didn't even receive a flower from you. I never got the chance to rant about my day as you were too busy talking about yours. I have never received "Text me when you reached home" or "Be safe" text. I was the one who sent those. I didn't receive even the bare minimum. You didn't even do the bare minimum.
I used to think that I'm worthless. However, after 6 months of no contact with you, it became clear.
I was never meant for you.
I was too good and my love was too pure for you.
I love too innocently and you hated that.
I could be the whole package but you were not the right person for me.
It was a blessing in disguise.
You have wronged me.
I used to want you to meet me and apologize in front of me for all the pain you have given me.
But, now I don't.
You don't have to do anything to earn my forgiveness.
Because I have forgiven you.
I will never forget what you did and did not do to me.
And I will use that as a reminder to never get blinded by sweet lies again.
I am moving on. I am improving myself and I feel so much better now.
I wish we never meet again.
Hold on...it doesn't matter anyway.
Because if we ever come across each other again in the future, you will still do what you do best...run.
From: The girl you used to call 'soulmate'
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