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I've always struggled with some homesickness, anxiety, and on and off depression in University. But these first three weeks of senior year really have killed me. This is the worst it's ever been. It takes all my energy just to get out of bed in the morning. And sometimes I don't. Life just sucks. I swear to god I am crying at least every other day. I can't get out of my anxiety brain for the life of me. Suddenly I am questioning the career path that I have been set on since day one of uni. My idea of what kind of job I will get has just completely disappeared. Honestly, at this point I am feeling like I will just get whatever job accepts me first. I have nobody. Like literally nobody. I am so far away from my parents. I live alone. And I have no friends here. It's not like I haven't tried. But everybody already has their clique. And nobody wants to make friends anymore. If you talk to a stranger and try to be friendly, you are literally met with dirty looks. People say that you are creepy or give off "bad vibes." Idk. I also push people away. If I can't find a problem with them, I find one with myself. Why would someone ever want to be my friend? I feel so useless. I can't even keep up in my labs due to physical limitations. I just want this year or even this semester to be over. I don't know how to manage any of it. I already dropped one class. I'm barely full-time. But I am just dying.
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You are looking at your time at uni in a very negative way. Please see a doctor for your anxiety and depression and once you are on medication you will feel better. Try to find things to do that you like and don't put so much importance on being with people. Look at uni as a place of learning and concentrate on your course and when you leave you can bother about making friends. You have the privilege of being there so make the most of it and accept the way things are without being so negative. Look for the positives. Your life won't always be like this.
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