My Unsent Letter For The Guy I Liked

hey, it's the second time that i'll be writing you an unsent letter. i wanted to tell you how im feeling these days. somehow i feel so empty, i feel so lonely, and my heart seems so heavy. i feel sad for a reason. because i cant be sad without a reason, it may feel like i may be sad without knowing the reason, but deep inside there is. idk what the reason may be, or what is it from you making me feel sad. maybe i miss you. maybe i want to talk to you again. maybe i want to make myself believe that all those silly things that comes up in my head were true. but no. was it really just me falling? was it really just me who thought that i had hope? that i had chances? that you had feelings? was it just me? i kept on searching and searching for a new hope to make myself believe that i need to stay with my feelings with you. that i shouldnt stay away from you. many of my friends already told me that you werent worth the pain, that i should just get over you and move on. they told me to get happy for myself, to love myself as i can before. but did i listen? no, i didnt listen at all. how am i going to be happy when i cant be with you? i know it sounds cringy, or somehow really weird. but thats how i feel. when im in my dark times, just talking with you lights up my whole world again. or maybe thats just how i actually feel when i like someone. idk. idk anymore. i tried, and im tired, but yet im still trying to fight. just for you. i didnt want anyone, but you. i wanted someone who was like you. and i know falling for you can be the best mistake, but here i am, i wanted to wait for you. even though i feel everything breaking all apart. i just cant seem to forget you. we werent even together yet i feel so affected. im just one simple girl anyways. i can make mistakes, i can make bad decisions, even if that means liking you. i placed all my hope to you. i made my hope went so high, that i forgot that it may hurt me and my feelings. that it may give me the worst pain that i ever had. but who am i to blame, if you are what my heart and mind wants? but then again, im sorry. im sorry for liking you, im sorry for bringing myself false hope, sorry for being to delusional. sorry for being too confused by what we are, sorry for being frustrated with my feelings for you. why am i even saying sorry? idk why. maybe im just feeling empty at the moment or idk. i cant explain anything anymore. all i know is that i wanted to know if you ever liked me, even if its before.. thats all i hope for.