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Hey,
under normal circumstances this would have been a great opportunity to show how romantic i am but under this break there are lots of things that i wanna convey to you.
Its been 3 years in this relationship with you and everyday is a new challenge or a new happiness. As a partner i expect bare minimum from you. I don't expect you to pamper me with thousands gifts or take me out for dinner/lunch to fancy places every now and then. I ask you to give me time, i ask you to bring me flowers and i ask you to understand me. there have been days where i expect you understand me yourself other than me telling it to you.
That day after our fight, i sat and contemplated our relationship. each and everything. I feel taken for granted. I know you are busy but you have been busy every time i am back. you don't have time at all. honestly there are instances where i can say i have been for you more than you have been for me. for instances:
1. I was going out of my comfort zone and debating. i didn't expect you to be there honestly but you said you will be. but you weren't there. Giving hopes n not doing it hurts.
2. I was giving my last performance as President of my Dance Club and you were not there to cheer me up. you didn't even ask me how it went, not even once. and its not like i didn't tell you when i precisely asked you to be there.
3. I went through so many ordeals for that performance and you weren't there to fight the ordeal with me. i was getting anxious but you weren't there.
4. the whole morning of festivities i kept on asking for you and you weren't there. it feels as if i force you to be beside me because you just cant sit beside me for longer period of time or you just cant stand beside me for longer period of time.
5. At club that day i expected you to be here, dancing with me but you were not there. you were busy fighting for your friend. but you were not there for me.
these are some of the instances i can think of. there are many.
you prioritize everyone, legit everyone. but you don't have time for the one person who gives her all to you. Honestly, i keep on asking and asking but its never you who says that oh okay lets go here and there or surprise me with a rose or anything. 3 years is enough time to understand how to manage a person or how to make him/her understand things. but you don't even know how to sort things out with me. its like you have stopped giving efforts to this relationship. i try and i try not to show always but this was the saturation of my forgiveness. i wanted a break from you because i felt that this time also you don't understand my ordeal. why do i have to explain each and every thing i am feeling why cant you understand my pain bub? when you said you sorry to date me i felt my body breaking into smaller parts. i tried a lot to forgive you again. but that broke me again.
when i got into this relationship, i wanted to heal the broken parts inside me. but that statement of yours broke everything again. i felt like somewhere or the other you feel a regret dating me. I still cry when i hear those statements. i try not to but i am hurt. you said a statement but that statement had a greater impact than you thought. that day i felt that in drunk and anger you wont have any control and then you can hurt me mentally.
this letter is not to just tell you your fault. this letter is to tell you where i feel the need to be seen and heard. this letter is my way of expressing the feelings i have suppressed. we both came in this relationship not only for a commitment but for a lifetime of bittersweet experience. but lately i feel its only bitter and not sweet. all the sweet experience are overshadowed by bitter experiences.
i would like to conclude by saying that i was not taking a break from this relationship i was a taking a break from you. i needed some space and time to process things from you. i wanted a calm mind. i hope you understand that.
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