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I really didn't think losing you as a friend would hurt quite this much. Maybe it's because we had been friends for so long. I really don't know. I should have seen it coming. And maybe I did. I figured we would stop being friends at some point, but I guess I was hoping it would be a little less hurtful in the end. Here we are, 5 years later, and I still have that slight ache in my chest. With everyone else in the group, I can accept it. They did me wrong. Spread lies and bullied me. Maybe I just feel foolish for allowing you a second chance when you did this in the first place. I don't know why I believed you. And then I watch those old videos. And read those messages. And part of me starts to believe you actually tried. Out of everyone, was it you who was also trying to be a good friend to others? I tried so hard and I never felt the effort returned. Now I sit here and think you didn't know how to be a friend, but maybe you tried. And that's more than most. It hurts to know your effort stopped the moment you heard a single lie from someone else's mouth. It hurts to know you took their side. It hurts to know that you still do. Even after trying our friendship for a third time. When I left, you still remained friends with those people. Maybe you are scared to be alone. And I kinda get it. I chose the opposite. I chose to be alone rather than surround myself with those people. And maybe I struggle more for it. I don't really know. Who knows what life would have looked like if I just put up with it? I'm glad it's over, but I just wish I had some sort of closure. You betrayed me in a way I didn't even think could happen. I still don't understand it, and I am starting to think I never will.
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