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I cried a little before writing this, for realizing how alone I am. I'm not a bad person, difficult one or whatever. It's just feeling like everybody left me behind, so there's some trauma remaining. Sick of the same old story: Being used and treated like a nobody. Or someone who is born for others to make fun of, humiliate.
I can't vent this to my parents because our relationship isn't the best. I don't trust them too. They simply shrug it off: It happens with everyone not only you.
Excuse me? I'm not whining like I'm the only one. Victim mentality and such. I'm just tired. I have no strength left. If I ever feel truly wanted in this life, this will happen during my funeral where everyone cries and proclaims love they never shown. I don't want tributes for me on social media! I don't want these flowers that I can't smell when I die. This is too much to ask for? God has some rough plans for me? Testing me trial after trial? I don't even know if I still have any lust for life, joy, motivation, dreams and all. I feel drained to the core. Not sure if I'll make through another round of people disappointing me, breaking my trust. I can't simply tell myself: You're used to this, so it doesn't matter at all.
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Stay strong and keep pushing through.
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