My Unsent Letter (Removing my skin of my past trauma)

Painfully it hurt more when I dig deeper into my past. This only way if I want to be better in life and be in a love relationship with a future love partner. I've more emotionally and physically hurt since childhood. I trust issue since my mother brought this evil man (Stepfather) into my life. Both side of my families never help me or defend me when I need help.

First, to ones who within my ethnicity current,past, and future, and single parent. I apologize for my harsh reaction or declined your truthful heart. Because I was rasied in toxic environment, traditional rasing in a negative way, and traumatic events from stepfather and families. I can not and will not go back within my own ethnicity. I scared to repeat the toxic cycles. I vowed myself that I'll never date or married a single parent because my mother ill decision to married a evil man and heavy psychological and physical abuse from my stepfather,and that I am afraid, I'll become like my stepfather.

Second, I tried to go back within my own ethnicity. But, ended up in more heart break and show resentment. The first half my own bad decision by choosing toxic partners that sound and behave like my toxic families. Second, the exes took advantage my fragile heart and mind. I dated single a few times. But, ended up be taken advantage of. They see me as financal supporter and a babysitter. While single parent tried revive their youthful years without children or goes back to their exes. That led to self-deletion thoughs.

Third, if isn't the person from a different ethnicity. I wouldn't be here writing this. This

person save my life and having will to live again. This why I safe and comfortable around other ethnicity. I know others who not the toxic ones. I tried to my heart again. But, the emotional scared are permanent imprinted in me. Even through, with help of therapy unravel and peeling away my past trauma. The scars will aways remind my ill decision, past toxic relationship within my own ethnicity, be toxic to good exes, and f**ked up in life.

Last, To ones, who trying their best and convincing me to back within my own ethnicity. I known they are pretty, kind hearted, and accepting me for true character. Unfortunately, it the similar characters like me toxic exes. It hard for me go back. They can groom me, force me, bribe me or do drastic events to me. I reached to the point of no return. All I can said it. "Find some one who better me and treat you kinder that me."