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As I sit alone in my room
Too young to understand
Too old to forget
I have this dreadful feeling every day
That life has passed me by
The happiest times of my life
I can’t really remember now
I’m almost in college but I hardly feel like it
I’ve been through a bunch of shit but
It wouldn’t seem like it
Ever since I was ten I lost control
I let my parents and sister bully me around
Call me retarded stupid useless liar dumb idiot lazy dirty careless
I let my adhd become my habits
That are so so hard to break now
I let my confidence become reliant
On the validation of others
And I set myself up for the worst time
Of my life…
I let depression take over me when
My family lashed out at me
And young dickheads didn’t love me back
It consumed me, tortured me,
And it deluded me to think that not eating
Would make me feel better
Well six months of no exercise
Six months of feeling weak and useless
Six months of setback from my sport
And another month when I tried
To commit suicide after losing hope
I became estranged from my friends
I forgot how to socialize
My autism became a curse
And my personality a mess because
Who am I now that I’ve been depressed
For so long?
I can’t forgive myself
For wasting my time
For losing all those years
For fucking up my brain
For turning me into a monster
So every day now is torment
Every mistake a pit in my stomach
Every moment of happiness undeserved
Forgive me
I can’t forget what could have been
I can’t let go of what should have been
I am missing
I am missing
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If you feel useless, your existence doesn't matter to anyone or want to end your life, leave the place and people who made you feel that way.
If you are to blame for what you are now, you need to slap yourself and help others who are in need.
I know that my words are going to irritate you and make you angry. I know people get pushed to their limit where they want to end things. But if I can't stop you from doing that atleast I can ask you to be helpful and kind to other people who are suffering.
Do one good thing, help one person, make you life a worthy one and then do whatever you want.
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