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I feel like I messed up again. It’s just a little friendly night talk after our respective days, and somehow I ended up being overbearing. Again. I can’t read the room, and I couldn’t read your intentions either. Of course you only wanted our usual free talk, random niceties and jokes. But I had to make a mountain out of a molehill, think you were in desperate need of feedback for your longtime project, and ended up talking too much about something I know too little. Criticising too much. I guess people aren’t wrong when they say I’m the type of person that thinks they are always right, that seem too arrogant.
I didn’t mean what I said with bad intentions, but I’m too awful at expressing myself. I’m sorry if it hurt you or you, if this would potentially make your week worse. I’m sorry for sticking my nose into other people’s bussiness, because somehow I always end up hurting someone in my way. And this was after all that “I’ll get better at feedback and giving my opinion” thing. What’s the point when I choose the worst way possible to convey them?
I like you, I cherish the time I have spent with you. I even wonder if what I feel is love, or if I’m allowed to. I care about you to a point where I think I’m obsessed in an unhealthy way. And I’m so afraid of ever saying something that might hurt you.
And now you have replied my messages, saying it’s okay (and laughing at my “blunt” way of saying things, as you call it). You are way too nice even if you always say otherwise.
And I’m way too insecure about personal relationships, thinking my life is part of some Highschool drama, thinking I’m a main character in love with their crush.
But if this was a Highschool drama, I might have more courage, be more carefree and perhaps just convey my thoughts and feelings as they come, and not try to be some fake professional advice giver.
But life isn’t this easy. And I’m afraid of even letting my feeling be noticed. This was such a mess to write, but I think I might be able to go to sleep without such a heavy heart. This problem wasn’t even that big in the first place. I just overthink everything when its about you.
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