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I have been recently going through a rough patch in all aspects (financial difficulty, yrs of isolation and abuse, stress from overachieving) and have been off studies for recovery.
Recently, I had been in a class with younger people and they are all quite alright. But the guys are absolutely horrible. They have no way of complimenting you without sexualising. Whether it’s smarts, trauma, or body dysphoria. Even the most academically gifted males make r*pe jokes a second after a women’s suffrage video. They are aware of systemic oppression and enjoy continuing it.
But that’s not the point. There’s one male classmate that doesn’t like to involve himself into these things. He’s uncomfortable with it, and he doesn’t patronise it for the sake of fitting in. He’s the only one that we girls respect in the class. He’s tall, takes care of himself well mentally and goes to the gym to be fit, and knows not to be extreme. He’s knows not to stay up and is also funny. He’s a great influence in general.
I’ve talked with him about fitness and have had a couple of great conversations, partly because we are young and not many people regulate well or know well about these topics, and partly because I thought he would be a good friend to keep around in general. We had a very simple conversation about family and our pov on things.
Recently, he confessed to me, through his friend and then directly. I think it’s out of the blue, because I haven’t been in campus for a while and other than being allocated in the same group for a semester (I wasn’t there), I’ve only greeted him once.
For context we are in an elite and recognizable school in our country. Our program is highly recognised and although we aren’t known for the stress, but the school is cold and our average workload is 3 times worse than the top school that known for extreme stress. I used to have many responsibilities on top of that in this school.
We have no chance at social life other than in school. A lot of people date on a frenzy for a week or two and I’m not into that. I think that if they don’t improve your quality of life they aren’t an addition I consider to have. And I’m starting to think this is one of those shallow confessions. He doesn’t explain why he likes me other than saying he likes my personality and that I’m his ideal type in his head since the first time he met me.
Like I said, he’s quite popular despite being a quiet and reserved type of guy (which he may not know about) and more of a head in the clouds kind of guy on campus. The only time I greeted him he was also quite aloof. He is intelligent though.
My dilemma is that although I already know that I shouldn’t have a relationship at this point in my life, where I’m struggling to keep my quality of life up, I want to know what’s going on in his head so I understand how I can approach this.
He’s a good person what I have seen but then again finding males that are not raging blackpilled misogynists are outliers. Every male me and every female I know, have never failed to disappoint and abuse. (Do not lecture me about stigma, I do not hate this man and stop trying to deny facts)
How do I know he’s a good person to stay friends with and how do I approach and finish up this confession thing? Please, this is urgent and I know you guys are great at giving confessions.
He said it’s the first time he’s confessed to someone.
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