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im mad at you.
im mad because no one knows me the way you do.
no one knows my deepest insecurities the way you do.
i told you all about me, from beginning to end
and you still stayed..for the most part.
im mad at you.
im mad because i can't seem to let you go.
i can't stop thinking of the life we could've had.
i should hate you, but i can't.
it makes me physically sick to even try hate because
i know what we could've been.
we could have been something you see in the movies.
You just wouldn't change.
you found comfort in your own self destructiveness and that
is something i can't forgive you for. i can't forgive you for not trying,
for having a mindset that makes you think "what comes, goes".
i didn't want to go. i held onto the rope that was ripping
my skin, only for you to let go. it got caught between the cracks. im still stuck.
i keep pulling, trying to get away but the rope stays caught in between.
i should have left you. you shouldn't have
gotten the satisfaction of leaving me knowing
i would come back every time you snapped your fingers.
i always do.
you didn't care and you never did. you say one thing, but always
act the opposite. you have me in a chokehold that i can't
seem to escape. i can't give myself to anyone the way i gave myself to you.
for that, i will always resent you. i will never hate you, but i wish
i did. i wish i didn't have a reaction every time you were brought up.
i wish your existence didn't bother me as much as it does,
but everything that involves you sets me off.
you ruined the person i was. you made me into a person i don't like.
a person who doesn't trust anyone.
a person who doesn't think my partners will stick around.
you did this to me.
i am not me, because of you.
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